


Never Let Go

by RestlessCancer



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Emotionally Repressed, Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5854567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Steve and Tony met for the first time when Tony was young enough to still be considered a toddler? <br/>Explores a timeline where Steve was found by Howard Stark after crashing the Villain's crazy war jet at the end of Captain America The First Avenger and lived to see Tony as a small child before going on a different mission that ended up with him getting frozen in the ice like in the original timeline, only to be reunited with a very angry and emotionally distraught Tony Stark that can't tell whether he wants to kill Steve or curl up in his lap and cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All We Need

" _So brown eyes I'll hold you near_  
_'Cause you're the only song I want to hear_  
_A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere_ " -Death Cab for Cutie, "Soul Meets Body"

Steve Rogers is a super soldier turned public icon, but with all his training and interactions with the people- especially the kids who adore and idolize him, he still isn’t prepared for his next encounter with the son of one of his ‘creators.’ Howard Stark had known Steve was going to join the actual army again at some point in the near future since he would be attempting to inspire the troops in Vietnam with one of his performances as Captain America, so he had invited the Super Soldier to come stay the weekend with him and his family before shipping off. So, there Steve is, just outside Howard Stark’s door, about to knock when a butler opens it before he can even make contact with said door.

“Good evening, Captain.” The butler greets. “My name is Jarvis and I would like to welcome you to the home of the Stark family. Mr. Stark has instructed me to give you a quick tour before escorting you down to the lab to see him before dinner.”

“Oh, thank you, Jarvis. It’s nice to meet you.” Steve greets, readjusting his bag on his shoulder, still in the Captain America suit from his latest performance.

After a quick tour around the residence and a stop off in the guest room to drop off his bag, Steve is escorted down to the lab. The entire way, Steve realizes he’s being watched and barely contains the feeling of unease as he barely glimpses a pair of eyes peering at him from a doorway before Howard’s wife Maria scolds the peeping person. Once in the lab, Jarvis takes his leave and Steve turns to see Howard, who seems rather flustered at the sight in his microscope, grumbling to himself.

“Mr. Stark?” Steve cautiously says, hoping he wouldn’t spook the scientist and ruin his lab work.

“Steve, good to see you.” Howard greets after a moment as he leans back and rubs his eyes.

“Am I interrupting?” Steve asks, feeling out of place and rather intrusive.

“Yes and no.” Howard chuckles, standing and stretching. “I was trying a compound to see if I could recreate the Super Soldier serum we gave to you, but so far, no dice.”

“I see, well, would it help to take a blood sample from me?” Steve inquires, thinking of how blood samples have revealed medical anomalies before, so why not a foreign compound that was infused into his body- surely the brilliant Howard Stark could get better results from that than random compounds under a microscope.

“Actually, I think you’re on to something there.” Howard agrees, going over to a shelving unit and pulling out what looked to be a doctor’s bag that a more traditional health professional would take on a house call. “You’re not afraid of long needles are you?”

“Not that I know of and if I ever was, I think being stuck with all the ones I was for getting that serum injected into my body cured that.” Steve answers with a slight chuckle and a smirk.

“Yes, I bet that would do it.” Howard laughs a bit, pulling out a syringe and a rubbery band that he ties around Steve’s arm before cleansing the area near the crease of the man’s elbow and sticking the syringe’s needle into vein below the light tan skin.

After taking a syringe full of Steve’s blood, Howard unties the band and has Steve hold a cotton ball to the injection site to staunch any potential bleeding. Just as Howard starts to put his medical tools away, a small whirlwind of a child comes in and accidentally knocks the syringe off the table, causing it to hit the floor and shatter, spilling the collected blood sample. The child, who can’t be any older than four, looks terrified as Howard looms over him and he bursts into tears sobbing apologies, which breaks Steve’s heart to watch since the boy had simply wanted to show off whatever he is holding onto. Much to Steve’s dismay, he has to stand to the side and watch the whole thing.

“Anthony Edward, how are you a Stark when you’re such a little monster?!” Howard yells, gesturing to the spattered blood and broken syringe on the floor. “Not only have you come into the lab uninvited, but you have delayed my work and smeared my reputation in front of Captain America!”

“I’m sorry, Father!” Anthony sobs.

“Sorry?! Don’t be sorry! Be a decent child for once! And quit with that crying! Stark men don’t cry!” Howard shouts, his face red with rage. “Stark men are made of iron! So act like it!”

As the little boy named Anthony attempts to apologize, only another wail comes out before the unthinkable happens.

Howard Stark back-hands his four year old son so hard the small boy hits the floor, his bare left hand and arm being stuck with broken glass from the syringe.

All Steve will remember seeing in that moment is red. Steve can’t help it- Howard was being a bully- as he punches the scientist in the face hard enough to leave a horrible bruise, but not hard enough to break bone. After composing himself, Steve bends down and picks up the bawling child and leaves the lab.

“Are you okay, buddy?” Steve murmurs in concern as he carries the little boy, who has quieted a bit, back to the guest room and sits down on the bed with the boy in his lap.

Anthony only nods and sniffles, carefully holding his left arm away from him so the glass won’t move and cause more pain.

“Anthony, can I clean you up and help you feel better?” Steve asks in a soft voice as if he is speaking to a spooked animal.

Anthony shakes his head, eyes wide with fear. He is afraid his father will hurt him again for imposing on his guest. Steve thinks for a moment, looking down at himself before remembering he is still mostly dressed as Captain America.

“Hey, Anthony?” Steve asks, trying to get the boy’s attention back.

“Hmm?”

“Do you know who I am?” Steve asks, gently rubbing the little boy’s back.

“Capt’in ‘merica…” Anthony sniffles, letting a whimper out as he turns his arm and the glass moves painfully.

“That’s right!” Steve commends with a big, contagious smile that makes Anthony smile a little. “And do you know what Captain America does?”

“Protects…” Anthony mumbles, still a little shy about speaking up, especially as he hears his mother screaming at his father after finding out what had happened.

“That’s right, buddy! I protect people, especially little guys like you.” Steve responds, tapping Anthony’s nose with his finger.

“That why you punched Father?” Anthony asks.

“Guilty there, buddy. The thing is, I don’t like bullies and your dad was being a big, ole meanie back there over a silly little accident and it made me mad and very sad when he hurt you.” Steve explains.

“Capt’in ‘merica?” Anthony ventures, staring at his lap.

“What is it, sweetie?” Steve wonders, hoping he isn’t crossing a line by using such a term of endearment with the boy- but he can’t help that he has a soft spot for the child before adding an afterthought. “You can call me Uncle Steve if you like…”

“Really?” Anthony questions, wide-eyed.

Steve nods with a big smile that seems to glow in his eyes too so Anthony continues.

“Uncle Steve, I don’t like it when Father hurts me…” Anthony admits, staring down the floor as if it were liable to sneak off and tell Howard Stark what his son just admitted if he didn’t watch it closely.

“I can tell. No one likes to get hurt, sweetie, but not everyone can stand up for themselves which is why I stand up for them. I don’t like people getting hurt and you’ve found a soft spot I didn’t know I had and now you’re stuck in it because I care about you and what happens to you.” Steve responds.

“You do?” Anthony pushes, seeming to have a hard time believing that a super hero could care about him.

“Yeah, sweetie, I do.” Steve assures the little boy. “You wanna know a secret?”

Anthony quickly nods his head. Steve looks around for effect before leaning in and whispering to the small boy in his lap.

“I’m gonna make you a promise, Anthony.” Steve whispers. “Can I do that? Will you believe me?”

Anthony vigorously nods again.

“I promise to protect you for as long as I live and to take care of you when you need me. Uncle Steve and Captain America both promise that, even if it means we have to protect you from your father because Uncle Steve had a bully for a father too and I know how bad it feels when your father gets so mad that he hurts you.” Steve promises, kissing Anthony’s forehead. “So, will you let Uncle Steve take care of you?”

Anthony smiles and nods.

Steve smiles and carries the child into the attached guest bathroom, pulling out a first aid kit that Anthony points out is under the sink. Steve sets to work carefully pulling out broken glass from the little boy’s arm with a pair of tweezers. By the time Steve has the majority of the glass pulled out of Anthony’s skin, Jarvis knocks and enters upon Steve’s invitation.

“Captain, I have brought ice for Anthony’s cheek upon his mother’s request. She had informed me that the young sir was with you.” Jarvis says, presenting a tied off plastic bag full of ice with a small section of fleece fabric. “Mrs. Stark has also tasked me with checking young Anthony in order to see if he needs changed.”

“Thanks, Jarvis.” Steve responds, pulling out the last piece of glass and tossing it on the toilet paper on the counter with the other shards before accepting the ice pack and setting it to the side while he puts salve on the tiny cuts and bandages the boy’s arm and hand with a long ace bandage. “If I’m not overstepping any boundaries, I can check Anthony and get him changed if needed.”

“I don’t believe that would be overstepping in the least, Sir. You are aware that our young sir hasn’t been toilet trained yet?” Jarvis adds, making Anthony blush crimson and hang his head.

“Not a problem as long as Anthony trusts that his Uncle Steve is going to take good care of him.” Steve assures, running his fingers through Anthony’s hair for a moment causing the little boy to look up and smile shyly.

“Very good, Sir. I am pleased to add that there is only a half an hour wait until dinner is served in the dining room.” Jarvis informs, pausing for  a moment. “I hope that I am not being too bold when I state that I am glad young Anthony has found a friend and caring provider to look to that isn’t among the hired help.”

“You aren’t in the least. I’ve barely been here ten minutes and I can already tell that despite being in famous family, it’s not a close one.” Steve comments, taking Anthony in his arms and putting the fleece covered bag of ice against the child’s rapidly bruising cheek. “I would appreciate it if you would inform Howard that I would like to talk to him in ten minutes in the lounge.”

“Certainly, Sir.” Jarvis accepts with a small bow before taking his leave.

Anthony then directs Steve to his bedroom. It is fairly large and decorated in various kinds of super hero paraphernalia, heavily featuring one Captain America. There is a large closet, a couple dressers,  a small box of toys peeking out from under a toddler bed with guard rails on either side, an extensive section of the room dedicated to what looks like robotics and chemistry projects with a tarp underneath, and a few things that seem just a tad bit out of place. Among the seemingly odd items is a changing table with a mobile hanging above it, a delicate and plush baby blanket in pastel colors, a stuffed Labrador retriever, a pacifier peeking out from under the boy’s pillow, and an empty baby bottle on its side part way under the bed.

As Steve looks around, he can’t help but grin at the sight- he’s always thought it would be nice to be simple and domestic someday when he was no longer fit for active duty for the military, with a wife, kids, and possibly a pet or two set up on his own little piece of land with a beautiful house. Anthony, however, can’t help but feel embarrassed at the fact that one of his heroes is looking at his bedroom and seeing just how little he is. To make matters worse, Anthony finds himself especially mortified and distressed as he soils himself completely before Steve sets him down on the fabric wrapped foam padding atop the changing table. As if to further betray him, Anthony starts to cry as he’s laid down in the designated area.

“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay, you’re just a little guy and no matter what your dad says, this is completely normal.” Steve soothes, kissing the bottoms of Anthony’s sock-clad feet before slipping the little one’s pants off and setting the ice pack off to the side. “You know, my Ma couldn’t get me to use the potty until I was five and then it was like I had never been in diapers before then. I bet you’ll be the exact same way.”

Anthony continues to cry so, before diving into the most embarrassing part- the actual diaper change- he turns the mobile on and hums along with the familiar melody, it is one his mother used to hum for him. Steve pretends to be solely focused on the diaper change, which he accomplishes in what anyone would swear to be record time, before narrowing his gaze in on Anthony’s slightly chubby little abdomen as if he sees a second belly button or some other anomaly.

“Uncle Steve?” Anthony sniffles, confused by the intense stare his tummy is receiving.

“What is…” Steve murmurs just loud enough for Anthony to hear before he leans in closer, fighting to keep a straight face. “Hmmm… What could…”

Just when Anthony is starting to worry, Steve grins huge as he glances up at the small boy’s face and then quickly plants his mouth on the child’s stomach, blowing kisses onto the sensitive skin. This earns him a lot of squirming and wild giggling from his tiny captor.

“Aaaahhh haha! Un-uncle S-s-steve!” Anthony laughs, now only crying and gasping because he can’t seem to stop laughing. “St-o-op! Pleeeeaaaasse!”

Steve chuckles as he stands up straight and slips the boy’s pants back on over his clean diaper. As he picks Anthony up, he makes a quick decision, holds the little boy under his arms and lifts him up into the air, way above his own head and slowly walks and spins Anthony around.

“Look, up in the sky!” Steve calls in his proper inside voice, smiling up at Anthony. “It’s a bird!”

“No!” Anthony disagrees with a giggle.

“It’s a plane!” Steve tries again with a little chuckle, not noticing Maria Stark watching from the doorway.

“Nuh-uh!” Anthony giggles again.

“Gee-golly, it’s Amazing Anthony, the boy genius!” Steve cheers, doing one quick spin.

“Yeah!” Anthony laughs in pure delight as Steve actually tosses him up a couple inches in the air before settling the small boy on his hip with a kiss to the child’s forehead.

“You’re wonderful with him.” Maria Stark comments with a warm smile, though there’s a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“Oh, thank you, Ma’am. I’ve worked with kids before and I’d be lying if I said that your son hasn’t found his way into my heart.” Steve admits, offering to let her take him as he blushes a bit.

“I would take him, but I would hate to interrupt your fun.” Maria responds, though her grim smile suggests she may not be able to hold him like she used- too frail, perhaps since she is rather petite. “Though, I admit I’m partly here because I have to put a hold on the fun since Howard is ready to speak with you and I think my Antonio might finally have a chance to explain what happened without my husband forgetting himself.”

“Thank you for telling me, Mrs. Stark.” Steve smiles kindly, following her out to the lounge.

“Play nicely, Howard.” Maria teases, with a just a hint of a bite to her tone as she pats his shoulder before leaving the room.

“I apologize for punching you, Howard, but I saw red when you hit Anthony, especially after he landed in the glass shards.” Steve starts, sitting down on the couch across from Howard’s armchair with Anthony on his lap.

“Think nothing of it. Maria reminded me of how horrid I tend to get after straining my mind in the lab for too long.” Howard reassures, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “Anthony, my boy, I am sorry I hit you and I am grateful to you, Steve, for bandaging him up.”

“’S okay, Father…” Anthony responds quietly, gripping Steve’s seemingly ginormous hand with both of his.

“Howard, I know I have no place in telling you how to treat your son, but in case you haven’t noticed, your own son seems to be terrified of you. I urge you to remind yourself of how old he really is. He’s practically still a toddler and that means he’s going to forget some rules sometimes, he’ll have accidents, and he’ll cry. That’s all normal…” Steve points out with a heavy sigh, giving Anthony slight, reassuring squeeze. “I mean, heck, I’m a Super Soldier, but I was just like him when I was his age, minus the boy genius aspect, mind you. And I’m honestly just as sensitive as I was as a toddler, just more capable of coping with it.”

“I appreciate the suggestion, Steve. I think I do tend to forget Anthony’s only four. Maybe it is because he’s so smart for his age, but either way I could probably stand to remember the he’s still a little boy.” Howard confesses, though Steve senses something about Howard that seems to suggest he doesn’t actually think it’s a problem to force his son to mature just because he’s somewhat smarter than other kids his age. “So, what do you say, Anthony, can you forgive your father?”

Anthony nods, but makes no move otherwise.

“How about a hug, sport?” Howard asks, holding his arms out.

“Go ahead, sweetie, you can come right back and sit on my lap if you like.” Steve murmurs into the little boy’s ear, planting an inconspicuous kiss to his cheek.

Anthony trembles a bit, but nods again and slowly approaches his father. Howard hugs the boy a little too roughly, making Anthony whimper a bit from the pain caused by his father squeezing his left arm. As soon as Anthony is released, he climbs right back on Steve’s lap, tears in his eyes from the throbbing, burning pain in his arm and hand and on his cheek. As Steve looks back at Howard, he notices the man looking a little out of his element.

“Howard…” Steve starts, wary about saying anything more to the man.

“Yes, Steve?”

“He has a lot of tiny cuts on his left arm and hand, so I really feel the need to urge delicate interactions and a lot of gentleness for a while since the skin is going to be pretty raw for some time.” Steve cautions, still not relieved in the least as Howard nods and smiles- partly because it seems like a tense set of motions. “Look, Howard, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I _am_ trying to let you know what it’s like on your son’s side of things because I had a dad who was just like you, though obviously not as successful. He would always end up stressed or just plain worked up and then he took it out on me because I was usually the one who approached him at the wrong time. I didn’t understand that it was the wrong time in the moment, so I was beat a lot and I’ll tell you that I feared that man and grew to hate him and I don’t think you want Anthony to start down that same path.”

“Pardon my intrusion, Sirs and Young Sir, but dinner is served in the dining room.” Jarvis announces as he stands off to the side.

“Thank you, Jarvis, we shall be there in a moment.” Howard tells the butler, turning back to Steve as Jarvis retreats to the dining room. “Steve, I’m sorry you had a rough time as a kid, but I doubt that Anthony is actually afraid of his old dad and most certainly won’t hate me. Right, sport?”

Anthony quickly nods, which alarms Steve as he recognizes the situation for what it is. Anthony agreeing to avoid any more beatings and yelling while Howard tries to pretend like nothing ever happened- or rather that is was a first time and one time incident, complete denial. Steve smiles, albeit stiffly, and nods, mentally sighing in frustration as he watches Howard get up and leave to go to the dining room.

“Hey, Anthony?” Steve says, gently turning the boy on his lap.

“Tony.” Anthony corrects with a small smile, practically nuzzling his “Uncle Steve.”

“Okay, Tony.” Steve smiles, kissing the boy’s unbruised cheek as Maria watches from a distance, pretending to be focused on her magazine. “Would you like to sit on my lap for dinner? I know some tricks that will making eating hurt less even though you have that huge owie on your cheek…”

Anthony leans in even more, finding a kind of comfort and safety being in Steve’s lap that he hadn’t felt in a long time, and nods happily. Steve stands up, cradling Tony in his arms like an infant and teasingly cooing at the little boy as he bounces him a little.

“Uncle Steve!” Tony mock whines with a giggle. “I’m little! Not a baby!”

“Okay, okay, Uncle Steve’s sorry.” Steve apologizes with a big goofy grin as he shifts to hold the little boy around the waist and tuck him under his arm like a sleeping bag or a rolled up rug.

“No, Uncle Steve!” Tony teasingly scolds, still giggling.

Maria holds back her own giggles at the sight of Steve looking confused before he pretends to have a light bulb moment.

“Oh! I got ya!” Steve enthuses, finally settling Tony on his hip and kissing the little boy’s cheek.

“You’re silly, Uncle Steve!” Tony say quietly, wrapping his undamaged right arm around Steve’s neck and forcing himself not to lay his bruised right cheek against his hero’s shoulder.

“Well, sometimes, that’s the best way to be.” Steve tells him in a soft voice, barely touching his lips to the child’s bruised cheek. “Just like sometimes all we need is a little TLC, like a kiss on an owie to feel better.”

Tony, being the smart little boy he is, studies Steve’s face for a moment before kissing the spot on the man’s chest just above his heart and smiling shyly back up at his protector. Steve can’t help the surprised and touched tears that spill over from his knowing eyes as he gently holds Tony a little closer and tighter.

“I have another secret for you, Tony.” Steve whispers, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, half-dazed. “You are a sweet boy with a good heart and I never want you to lose it because if you do, I will be so sad. But here’s the biggest, most important thing I want you to remember, I love you, Tony, and that will never change no matter where I am or what I am doing.”

“I love you too, Uncle Steve.” Tony whispers back, tightening his grip on the Captain America suit. “Promise me something?”

“Anything.” Steve agrees.

“When I’m scared, or upset, or even angry,” Tony starts, the nervousness apparent in his voice.

“Yeah...”

“Never let go!” Tony pleads.

“I will never, ever let go.” Steve promises.

" _If I kiss you where it's sore, if I kiss you where it's sore, will you feel better, better, better? Will you feel anything, at all?"_ -Regina Spektor, "Better"


	2. Tony's Uncle Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve starts to realize the dynamics in Tony's family are awful and that Howard is not as generous and kind as he seems.

“You’re stitches are all out, but your scars are healing wrong… And the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflected into yours… Hold on, one more time with feeling Try it again, breathing's just a rhythm Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right This is why we fight…” –Regina Spektor, “One More Time With Feeling”

Dinner goes slowly and with a lot of discomfort thanks to Howard occasionally glaring at his son on Steve’s lap, being fed small bites of mashed potato, smashed peas (Steve had told Tony the secret to eating with a sore mouth was chewing as little as possible) and chicken that Steve practically tears to shreds to make small enough pieces that Tony could mostly just swallow. Howard just watches on with a carefully neutral expression, fighting the urge to ‘lecture and punish’ his son for a second time. He only keeps the urge at bay with the reminder that though he helped create the Super Soldier, said soldier apparently has no qualms about ‘lecturing and punishing’ Howard right back. All the while, Maria is beaming at her son while occasionally making eye contact with her husband long enough to scowl at him and mouth ‘behave’ between bites.

“So, Steve, it seems you’ve really taken to our Anthony.” Howard comments, trying to make it sound like casual conversation rather than enraged accusation.

“Honestly, I’d be surprised if anyone didn’t take to him. Sure he can get a little over eager like in the lab earlier, but he’s a sweet and smart kid.” Steve replies, finally eating his own, mostly cold, dinner now that Tony is finished eating. “I hope to have a son like him some day, though that will probably be quite a ways away since my plan so far is to start a family after one of two things happen- I’m unfit for active duty or they discharge me for one reason or another.”

Tony smiles at Steve’s mention of wanting a kid like him and curls up on Steve’s lap, resting his unbruised left cheek against his Uncle Steve’s shoulder with a big yawn that his mother smiles at. Glancing down at the little boy curled up with heavy eyes in his lap causes a strange pang of emotions in Steve’s chest- love, adoration, contentment, guilt, and grief that he can’t seem to place.

“Steve, I would love it if you would come back to us after your performance to the troops in Vietnam… I’m sure Antonio would love it as well.” Maria suggests, causing Tony to open his eyes wide and beam up at Steve and his mother.

“Well, truth is, Mrs. Stark, they probably don’t even need me. Most of the men there are looking to see the girls that usually do the show with me and there’s chatter that the war might end before I can even get there.” Steve admits, smiling warmly at Tony, noticing the little boy is still fairly attentive but somewhat drowsy and watches as the little boy slips his thumb in his mouth.

“So, would you being staying in town then?” Maria inquires, not missing the sneer her husband is wearing.

“Actually, Ma’am, I would probably keep doing shows here, if not staying on one of the bases in the states.” Steve answers, feeling a more painful pang in his chest as he notices Tony’s features seem to drop. “Don’t really have any other places to stay since Ma and Father are gone.”

“What if you could stay in town?” Maria theorizes, trying to be nonchalant.

“Well, I suppose I would.” Steve hesitates, not sure what he could be getting himself into.

“Steve, we would be happy to have you here. That guest bedroom is just getting dusty as it sits all by its lonesome self.” Maria invites, trying to be casual despite the urge to smack her husband who is glaring at her over the rim of a crystal glass of straight scotch. “It would also give Howard a chance to take another blood sample and have you here for reference to tell him anything you remember that he might need to know.”

Howard sighs but keeps glaring at her as he sets his glass down. He knows when Maria’s right and when to keep his mouth shut. Both seem to apply to the situation in front of him. Howard Stark takes a subtle deep breath and forces a smile.

“That’s right. I would love to have you here for reference while I work on remaking the serum.” Howard agrees, swallowing the urge to yell at his son to remove his thumb or have it permanently removed.

“Not to mention how eager Antonio is to spend time with one of his heroes.” Maria adds, a warm smile on her face to match the one that appears on her son’s face. “Antonio needs time with someone like you since Howard’s got his hands full and all. So what do you say? Think you can stand to be cooped up in this old place for longer than a weekend?”

“I think I can, Mrs. Stark.” Steve agrees with a big smile as Tony hugs him, wincing a bit from the pain in his arm.

“Excellent!” Maria enthuses, ringing a little bell to get Jarvis’s attention, which causes him to enter swiftly from the kitchen.

“Yes, Madam?” Jarvis responds.

“Jarvis, I would like you to help acquaint Steve to Antonio’s schedule since I’m sure the two will be inseparable for the rest of our honored guest’s stay.” Maria instructs. “He will be staying with us indefinitely so be sure to check in with him and make sure his stay is comfortable.”

“As you wish, my lady.” Jarvis agrees with a polite bow. “Shall I show you to the young sir’s room, Captain?”

“Anthony’s already shown me, Jarvis, but thank you.” Steve responds, wrapping his arms around Tony and standing from his seat at the table before readjusting the child to a more comfortable and supported position.

“Jarvis will walk with you and acquaint you with Antonio’s bed time routine.” Maria tells him, to which Steve nods and walks with Jarvis out of the dining room.

Half way to the little one’s bedroom, Tony gently taps Steve’s shoulder with his small right hand.

“What do you need, sweetie?” Steve asks in a soft quiet voice.

“’m wet…” Tony answers with a small blush.

“That’s okay, little guy, we’ll just change your pants.” Steve assures him, kissing the boy’s unbruised left cheek before laying him down on the changing table and speaking to Jarvis. “So, Jarvis, what is the little genius’s bed time routine?”

“First, young sir is changed, put into clean pajamas, then there is a story and a bottle filled with nutrition shakes since our young sir doesn’t have the best eating habits.” Jarvis explains, silently impressed with Steve’s gentle, but quick work of changing Tony. “Young Anthony has clung to his bottle as a comfort object, as well as his blanket, his pacifier, and his puppy.”

“Thank you, Jarvis.” Steve tells him, taking Tony back his arms, negating the pants since Tony will be putting on his pajamas. “So do you usually prepare the bottle or does Maria or should I…”

“I will bring it to you, Sir.” Jarvis elaborates.

“Uncle Steve?” Tony speaks up, his damp thumb being rubbed off on his shirt.

“Yeah, baby?” Steve replies.

“Can… May I sleep with you tonight…?” Tony mumbles, though Steve’s Super Soldier hearing picks up the question as if it were spoken in a normal volume.

“Sure, kiddo.” Steve says with a warm smile. “Jarvis, can you bring the bottle to the guest room? Tony’s going to have a little sleepover with his Uncle Steve.”

“Certainly, Sir.” Jarvis submits with a bow. “Will that be all, Captain?”

“Yes, Jarvis. Thank you.” Steve appreciates.

Jarvis takes his leave and Steve turns his full attention back to the sleepy little boy in his arms.

“How about some jammies?” Steve suggests, bouncing Tony a bit.

Tony nods sleepily, points to one of his dressers and then to the bottom drawer. After Steve approaches the dresser and opens the desired drawer, Tony twists around and grabs a pair of footed pajamas that have the Captain America symbol all over it with a rosy blush on his face. Steve grins like an idiot and kneels on the floor a little ways from the dressers.

“Do you want help, sweetie?” Steve asks in a voice as sweet as sugar.

Tony nods shyly and stands up. Steve slips the little boy’s tee shirt off and has Tony step into the feet of the pajamas. Then he helps the child get his arms through the sleeves and snaps up all the buttons along the legs and up the center of the sleeper. Steve can’t help but think that the little boy is adorable in the super hero sleeper and tries not to let it go to his head that Tony specifically chose the Captain America set out of all the others.

“Okay, now, should we grab a few things before we go back to my room?” Steve asks, to which Tony nods. “Well, what should we bring with, baby?”

“Blanket, puppy, and paci…” Tony answers quietly, his blush returning.

“No story book?” Steve questions, standing up and picking the little boy back up as Tony shakes his head. “That’s okay. You look a little too sleepy for a story tonight anyway. Let’s get your bed time stuff. Then we’ll brush our teeth before we settle in. Sound good, sweetie?”

Tony nods and Steve can’t help smiling and kissing the child’s cheek. They grab all three things and stop off in Tony’s bathroom to grab his toothbrush and toothpaste. Then, they head back to the guest room, setting everything other than the dental hygiene items on the bed before proceeding to the bathroom. The pair brush their teeth together, Steve challenging Tony to a little competition to see who can get their teeth the cleanest in five minutes. Both are giggling and laughing by the end of it as they spit and rinse since Steve tried to cheat by tickling Tony. Before leaving the bathroom, the two look at each other’s brushing job and then the mirror in front of them.

“Well, darn, I think you won, Tony!” Steve tells the little one, snapping his fingers as if to further express his false disappointment.

“Really?” Tony questions, looking skeptical and hopeful.

“Definitely, yours are sparkly, they’re so clean and mine are only shiny. So I’m sure you won that one.” Steve assures him, picking the child up and carrying him back out to the bedroom.

Steve sets Tony down on the bed and slips into the bathroom with a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. He quickly changes and goes back out to the bedroom, taking Tony back in his arms, making the little one smile warmly.

“Are you ready to climb in bed, Tony?” Steve asks.

Tony looks up at Steve with some mixture of mild panic and uncertainty.

“What’s the matter, huh?” Steve asks in a voice as soothing as fleece blanket on a cold winter night.

“Nothin’…” Tony mumbles, averting his eyes.

“Now, I’m no expert but I’d say it’s more of a something, so why don’t you let Uncle Steve make it all better?” Steve disagrees in an even more gentle voice as he presses his forehead to Tony’s and rubs his nose against the child’s.

“Can we cuddle?” Tony blurts in a quiet voice, his face burning with a crimson blush. “Father thinks I’m too big to cuddle and keeps telling me Stark men don’t do that… Mama wants to cuddle but she knows that if she cuddles with me that Father will find out and then they’ll fight…”

“Oh, Tony, of course we can cuddle! You’re too little to not cuddle.” Steve corrects, swaying as he kisses Tony’s forehead, nose and cheeks. “You have a dad who’s just too serious and grown up for his own good, that’s all. Now, how about those cuddles, snuggle bug?”

Tony looks up into Steve’s eyes, his brown eyes twitching ever so slightly as he searches for something before starting to cry a little. Steve, taking that as a signal, climbs into bed and carefully situates Tony so that he’s resting his left cheek against Steve’s right shoulder. After situating the covers, Steve gently spreads Tony’s baby blanket over him, slipping the puppy in the little one’s arms, and the pacifier in Tony’s mouth. Gently, Steve rocks Tony back and forth, going purely on an instinct Steve never thought he had, and whispers soothing words with his cheek gently pressed to the top of the little boy’s head when he isn’t kissing the child’s forehead or cheek. After a few minutes, Tony calms down and Steve looks down at the boy as he hears a strange sound that he realizes is the sound of Tony sucking on the bright red pacifier. Another couple of minutes passes before there’s a knock on the door that startles Tony, making him bury his face in Steve’s chest.

“Come in.” Steve calls at a volume just loud enough for his voice to carry to the other side of the door.

Jarvis enters with a baby bottle in one hand and another ice bag with fleece covering in the other and offers them to Steve, who takes themt from him with a warm smile.

“Is our young sir alright?” Jarvis inquires, looking a bit worried at the sight.

“He’s just a little shook up. Not used to being babied like this.” Steve answers with a little bit of a chuckle as Tony looks up at him and makes a face. “Don’t give me that face, bug, you are all cuddly and sweet so it’s hard not to baby you.”

“I’m glad young Anthony has found such a loving companion. If you need anything, do not hesitate to summon me, Captain.” Jarvis adds. “Would you like me to adjust the lighting to a softer lamp light? We have oil lamps that will burn out safely on their own should you fall asleep before snuffing them out.”

“That would be wonderful, Jarvis.” Steve agrees, hooking his finger on the pacifier and trading it for the mouthpiece of the bottle, which Tony takes and starts rhythmically nursing from while Jarvis switches the lighting.

Within seconds, the room is lit with a soft, amber glow and Jarvis is gone with a soft click of the door. Steve hums a soft melody while he holds the bottle for Tony and watches the little boy with a smile, using his free hand to hold the ice bag close to Tony’s slightly swollen and thoroughly bruised cheek. After a while, Tony is asleep and the bottle is drained. Steve sets the bottle and melting ice bag off to the side, slips the pacifier back into Tony’s mouth (which the little boy immediately starts to suck on his sleep), and readjusts Tony so they’re both laying down with Steve holding the little boy close with a protective arm around him. Steve can’t help the mixed emotions as he wonders if he should be getting so close to Tony when Howard clearly resents it, but at the same time feels as though it’s unfair that Tony is Howard’s and not his. The Super Soldier sighs heavily, kisses Tony’s forehead, and closes his eyes.

“I love you, Tony…” Steve whispers, holding the child just a little closer.

_“He hears that outside a small boy just started to cry 'Cause it's his turn, but his brother won't let him try It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song You can't believe it, you were always singing along It was so easy and the words so sweet You can't remember, you try to move your feet It was so easy and the words so sweet You can't remember, you try to feel the beat…” – Regina Spektor, “Eet”_


	3. Son of Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes Tony out for a fun day that ends in tears and pain. Who the hell is the Son of Sam?

“ _I will be all that you want And get myself together 'Cause you keep me from falling apart  
All my life, I'll be with you forever To get you through the day And make everything okay…_ ” –Avril Lavigne, “I Will Be”

After a week of getting to know Tony and staying in the house for the majority of his time with the Starks, Steve decides it’s time that Tony gets acquainted with the world outside of his house. It’s almost three in the afternoon as Steve shifts Tony off his chest and tucks the little boy into his bed in the guest room. The Super Soldier makes a quick trip down to the lab and allows Howard to take a blood sample before slipping up to the lounge to talk to Maria, who looks up at the public icon from her magazine.

“Hello, Steve.” Maria greets with a smile. “I take it Tony’s still napping?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Steve chuckles, sitting down across from her. “I was wondering if you would be alright with me taking Tony out this evening?”

“That depends, not that I doubt your judgment, on where you plan on taking him.” Maria answers simply, still perfectly pleasant.

“I was thinking a little trip to the park and then a short walk over to his favorite pizza place. If he eats all of his dinner, I thought we might stop for ice cream on the way back here.” Steve elaborates, understanding her need to know.

“I think he would love that. He hasn’t been to the park in ages.” Maria responds with a warm smile.

“I hope he does. I really appreciate that you’ve been trusting me to take care of him.” Steve adds in all seriousness with gratitude clearly displayed on his face.

“I appreciate that he finally has an active male role model. Poor baby might as well be Howard’s nephew for all the attention and care my husband gives him.” Maria confesses with a sigh.

Before Steve can respond to Maria, he hears Tony crying in the guest bedroom. He gives Maria an apologetic smile and speed-walks to the bedroom. He scoops Tony up swiftly but gently, holds him close.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Steve practically coos at the little boy.

“Had a bad dream and… ‘m wet!” Tony sobs, clinging to Steve.

“Well, let’s make it all better.” Steve says, carrying Tony to his room and laying the little boy down on the changing table.

Steve winds up the mobile, which seems to subdue the little guy, and makes quick work of changing and re-dressing Tony. Steve grins mischievously and gently pushes Tony’s feet towards his hand, knowing the little one is still a bit out of it from his nap. Slowly but surely, Tony slips his thumb in his mouth and grabs one foot with his free hand, playing with it as he sleepily watches the mobile above him. Steve loves this, seeing Tony so relaxed and in a simple frame of mind. If Tony were anyone else’s son, he probably would be potty trained and interested in nothing that anyone would see as babyish, but Tony is Howard’s son and clinging to his childhood by a frail thread that his father is threatening to cut. Steve is determined to let Tony hold onto his childhood for as long as possible, though he agrees with Maria that by the time Tony loses his first baby tooth at the latest, the little guy should be weaned away from diapers, bottles and pacifiers.

“Uncle Steve has a little surprise for you.” Steve tells him, patting the blue-jean clad and diapered bottom which makes Tony blush but smile anyhow as he releases his foot from its captive position.

“What surprise?” Tony asks, taking his thumb out of his mouth.

“Mommy said I could take you to the park and then we can get pizza from your favorite pizza place. She even agreed to let me take you to get ice cream if you eat really well.” Steve answers, picking Tony up and holding him. “What do you say to that, cuddle bug?”

Tony smiles up and Steve and hugs him. Steve chuckles and hugs the boy back.

“Okay, let’s pack a going out bag, shall we?” Steve suggests, kissing Tony’s cheek.

“What will we put in it?” Tony asks, baffled and unsure of what they could possibly need to take with them.

“Well, your special underpants-” Steve starts.

“It’s okay, Uncle Steve, you can call them diapers.” Tony tells him, blushing a bit.

“Okay, baby. Let’s see, your diapers and wipes… Would you like to have your puppy, blankie and paci tucked in there for the ride home?” Steve continues and Tony nods. “How about you pick out a bag while I grab your paci, blankie and puppy from the other room?”

Tony nods and goes to the closet after Steve sets him down. By the time Steve gets back, he sees that Tony has picked up a Captain America backpack and stuffed a few diapers in it already, still hold a container of wipes in his hand as the little boy looks up at Steve. The Super Soldier grins and helps Tony finish packing the backpack full of the essential, adjusting the strap and pulling the pack on.

“Alright, bug, grab a sweatshirt and I’ll help you get on it then we’ll go.” Steve instructs.

Tony goes back to his closet and picks out a red hoodie with the Stark insignia on it and has Steve help him put it on and zip it up. Then, Steve leads Tony out to the car where Jarvis holds the rear door open. Steve and Tony climb in, the little boy being strapped into a car seat- much to the child’s embarrassment and outright dismay- and Steve buckles himself in before Jarvis drives them to the park. Once there, Steve chases Tony all over the mostly abandoned playground, having just a couple kids that join in, one including an older girl who looks to be about nine Tony takes a liking too. As it starts getting late, Steve ushers the other kids back to their parents and pauses to talk to the older girl’s guardian- a very familiar face at that.

“I see Ella Dean has taken quite a liking to your son.” Peggy comments.

It has been years since the two have seen each other since Peggy had gotten married. Naturally, Peggy assumes that Steve has done the same since he’s at the park with a little boy. Steve had been missing for so long that Peggy had forced herself to move on, mostly regretting her choice to do so after she learned Howard Stark had found Steve and thawed him out. However, the two have managed to remain friends over the years, though it had been awhile seen they saw each face to face like this.

“If only he was my son. You remember Howard Stark?” Steve responds with a frown.

“How can I forget that mad man?” Peggy chuckles.

“Well Tony is Howard and Maria’s son and I have to say I have come to dislike the man intensely after having a firsthand account of how he treats his own son.” Steve admits.

“It’s that bad?” Peggy asks, her good humor dimming.

“Worse in my opinion. That poor… well baby, was back-handed across the face and landed in broken glass from a shattered syringe. Tony had accidentally knocked the syringe on the floor when he came in the lab to see Howard and the man- I swear, he almost killed the child.” Steve fumes in a quiet voice, feeling a small amount of relief at being about to talk to someone about it.

“Oh my God…” Peggy replies, horror in her quiet voice. “What happened after that?”

“Honestly, I decked Howard in the face- gave him a taste of his own medicine. Then I got Tony out of there and cleaned him up and got him bandaged up. Poor kid had a black and blue cheek and an arm that you would’ve sworn came off of a mummy.” Steve confides, shaking his head.

“I knew Howard had a temper but I never thought he would do anything like that.” Peggy comments, frowning.

“Anyway, I’ve been staying with them and keeping Tony away from Howard. Tony’s so damn afraid of the man that he doesn’t feel safe sleeping along in his own bed so he’s been cuddling up to me since the night I got there and cleaned his wounds.” Steve continues, trying not to dwell on Howard for fear that his rage towards the man will resurface the next time he sees him. “Tony’s been doing a lot better and now we’re headed over to Tony’s favorite pizza place.”

“Mind if we tag along? My husband’s working late and I really loathe the idea of having to make dinner- plus Ella loves pizza more than should be possible.” Peggy adds.

“That’s fine with me and by the looks of it, it should be fine with Tony.” Steve responds with a chuckle as he sees Ella giving Tony a piggy back ride over to him and Peggy. “What do you say to Ella and her Aunt Peggy joining us for pizza?”

“Really?” Tony asks, running up to Steve as Ella lets him slide off her back as Peggy mumbles something about feeling old.

“Yeah, sweetie. So what do you say?”

“Yes!” Tony agrees, beaming up at Steve.

Steve chuckles and takes Tony’s hand, smiling as he watches the boy grab Ella’s hand. Peggy giggles a bit and takes Steve’s free hand, making him blush.

“Guess we’re in paper-doll formation.” Peggy teases. “How domestic of us.”

Steve shakes his head as they all walk towards the pizza place while Ella and Tony chatter. It only takes about ten minutes to walk to the little ‘hole in the wall’ restaurant where the four are seated, girls one side and boys on the other with the kids nestled between their guardians and the wall against the booth. Dinner passes quickly, but with a positive atmosphere until Steve is walking out the door with the others in tow as he holds the front door open for them.

“Thanks for letting us crash your boys’ night out.” Peggy says, hugging Steve as Ella hugs Tony.

“I think you ladies made it even more fun, huh, Tony?” Steve disagrees, taking the little boy’s hand.

“Right, Uncle Steve. Thanks for playing with me and giving me a piggy back ride, Ella!” Tony enthuses, beaming at the older girl.

“You’re welcome, Tony! I had fun with you and maybe Aunt Peggy and your uncle will set something up so we can see each other again!” Ella tells him with a smile as she takes her aunt’s hand.

Just as the group is about to split, panicked citizens rush past all of them as gun shots are heard only a few feet down the street. Steve is torn between getting his little group out of there and confronting the threat to ensure everyone’s safety. He quickly realizes he should have just ran with his little group as they’re knocked about- Steve losing Tony in the jumble of chaos consumed people and Peggy loses her hold on Ella too. Soon, the majority of people have cleared and he sees an older man, possibly Howard’s age, holding a gun with a crazed and distant look in his eyes and talking to himself. As Steve looks closer he notices that man has Tony, who is bawling and being grabbed around the back of his neck by the psychotic shooter.

“Uncle Steve!” Tony sobs, struggling against the man’s hand.

“Quit, boy! Father Sam won’t be happy with me if I don’t bring you back without hurting you!” The man snaps, glaring at Tony.

Steve, for the second time since he acquainted himself with the Starks, lunges forward, not minding the bullet that tears through his bicep, baring missing bone, and, seeing red, punches the man so hard that he hits the ground. Steve knocks the gun out the man’s reach, taking Tony into his arms.

“Lesson one, scumbag, don’t touch my baby boy.” Steve snarls, pinning the man under his foot. “Who are you?!”

“I am the son of Sam. Father Sam gets angry if I don’t bring him little boys and girls.” The man answers.

Steve takes a deep breath, urging himself not to kill the man as Tony continues to sob.

“Move and I break your sternum which will puncture your lungs and kill you.” Steve threatens, temporarily adding more pressure as he sees Peggy approaching with a shaken up Ella. “Are you two alright?”

“Shaken up, but other than that, we’re fine.” Peggy answers, nearly unphased. “Tony?”

“Scared nearly to death and as you can hear still crying.” Steve updates, pressing as he feels the man under his right foot trying to move. “I swear, I will kill you, you psycho.”

“We called the police. They said they’d be here…” Peggy trails off, sighing in relief as the police come over, recognizing Steve and Peggy- or more accurately, Captain America and Agent Carter.

“Thank you again for your service, Captain America.” An officer acknowledges as a couple other officers put the Son of Sam in handcuffs and shove him in the back of a squad car.

“Trust me, this time it was definitely a pleasure.” Steve assures the man. “Can we leave?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to take your statements first, Captain.” The officer informs, clearly regretting protocol as he notices the little boy sobbing into the American hero’s shoulder.

After about ten minutes of rehashing the events to the New York Police Department, Steve nods to Peggy as she starts telling her side of things, getting a nod back before he rounds the corner to find Jarvis waiting for them with the car.

“Sir, you’ve been shot and I think it’s unwise for you to be carrying the young sir at this time.” Jarvis advises, clearly worried as he watches Steve get in the car, not once letting go of Tony.

“I appreciate your concern, Jarvis, but Howard can fix me up at the house and I’m not about to let go of Tony.” Steve replies, relieved when Jarvis says no more, but instead shuts the door and climbs into the driver’s seat.

The ride seems to go slowly, though Steve doesn’t mind as he uses the time to calm Tony down. Once the little boy is sucking on his pacifier, clutching his blanket and puppy and being firmly but gently cradled against Steve’s chest, he calms to a state of drowsy sniffles while Steve rocks him, leaning side to side. The media had been swarming the scene of the crime, but Steve had blown them off and simply walked away, though he know there’s at least one news van following them to the Stark residence. Steve internally groans at the thought of having to deal with the media and facing whatever reactions Maria and Howard will have. As those thoughts sink in, the ride seems to end too soon as Jarvis helps him out of the car and into the house.

“Oh thank God!” Maria shouts, running up to Steve and Tony as the former warily steps into the house. “Steve! You’ve been shot!”

“Now that you mention it, I’m starting to feel that.” Steve smiles tiredly, trying to be lighthearted.

“What the hell happened?!” Howard demands, clearly panicked and a bit outraged.

“Some crazy man shot up the street in front of the pizza place. Tony and I got separated in all the chaos of the crowd just long enough for that piece of garbage to get a hold of Tony.” Steve explains, allowing Jarvis and Maria to guide him over to the lounge and onto the couch. “He didn’t have him long, though, considering I punched the lunatic in the face so hard I think I heard his jaw crack… I took Tony into my arms and pinned the guy under my foot after kicking his gun away. He tried to get up but I threatened to break his sternum so he stayed down and stayed still. Peggy had called the police and we went through all the protocol crap before I took Tony and came back here.”

“Christ, Steve, you’ve been holding Tony all this time with a bullet hole in your bicep?!” Howard scolds, examining the wound. “At least it went all the way through…”

“Yeah, doesn’t hurt as bad as I expected, but then again I’m more concerned with Tony.” Steve affirms, rubbing the little boy’s back as he sniffles, still keeping an iron-clad grip on his savior. “And Howard, I see that look on your face and I really don’t want to punch you again.”

Howard stares at Steve in frustration and shock at the man’s words.

“Antonio, darling, will you talk to us?” Maria asks sweetly, running her fingers through her son’s hair.

Tony shakes his head, knowing the one thing that’s on his mind would make his father go berserk.

“It’s okay, sweetie, just tell us anything?” Maria encourages, looking even more worried.

“Speak up, Anthony. You know how to talk. Get that damn baby sucker out of your mouth and talk to your mother!” Howard snaps, having lost his patience as he yanks the pacifier out of his sons mouth and tosses it into the hall. “Answer your mother, Anthony Edward Stark!”

“I wish Uncle Steve was my Daddy!” Tony sobs, glaring at his father. “At least he loves protects me!”

Everyone’s eyes go wide, but Howard’s are practically bulging out their sockets as his left eyelid twitches, his fists balling up. Steve acts fast, thrusting Tony into Maria’s lap and standing between the pair and Howard.

“Howard, let it go! He’s upset, kids will say anything when they’re upset!” Steve warns, clenching his fists.

“YOU, YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND STEAL MY FAMILY AND YOU WANT ME TO LET IT GO?!” Howard yells, unintimidated by the Super Soldier in his rage. “MY OWN SON SAYS HE WISHES HE WAS YOUR SON AND YOU WANT ME TO LET IT GO?!”

“I didn’t steal your family, Howard. I just took an interest in a little boy who was starving for approval and love. If you would have paid more attention to what I said the night I got here, you would understand why he feels this way.” Steve responds firmly.

“BULLSHIT, ROGERS! EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL YOU CAME INTO MY HOME WITH YOUR ‘I’M BETTER THAN YOU AND KNOW HOW FAMILIES WORK’ BULLSHIT AND TURNED MY OWN SON AGAINST ME!” Howard continues, looking as if he were seconds away from throwing punches.

“Well it’s not hard to do when you only give a damn only when someone else makes you feel threatened!” Maria shrieks from her place on the couch as Tony continues to sob. “You never gave a damn about Anthony and you still don’t! You just don’t like that Steve’s a better father and he hasn’t even had children yet!”

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, MARIA!” Howard threatens.

“Or what, Howard?! You’ll beat me again too?!” Maria demands, losing the shreds of respect and regard she had managed to hold onto before.

Howard goes to lunge at his wife and son, finding himself pinned on the floor instead, under Steve. After a lot of struggling, Howard gives up.

“Let go of me, Rogers! I’m going to my lab!” Howard spits, glaring at the determined soldier holding him in place.

“That’s fine, Howard, but know that I won’t let you hurt either of them because you know that you love them and there isn’t a person alive who shows or accepts love through violence. If I were you, I’d think real hard about how you might’ve killed them if I didn’t stand in your way.” Steve warns once more, slowly getting up and resuming his protective stance in front of Maria and Tony.

Howard gets up and smoothes his clothing in a rough and jerky manner before retreating to his lab. Steve sighs in relief and turns to Maria, who has clearly shed some angry tears by now, and Tony who automatically reaches up for Steve with a trembling lip and sniffles. Steve takes the little boy in his arms and cradles him close to his chest.

“Let’s go get your paci and clean it up.” Steve says in a soft voice as he kisses Tony’s forehead.

“Will you let me bandage that wound for you, Steve?” Maria offers, standing next to him.

“I would appreciate it if you would.” Steve accepts.

“I’ll meet you in the guest bedroom after I find Jarvis and have him make Antonio’s bottle.” Maria agrees, taking leave of the pair to find her faithful butler.

Steve walks down the hall, spying the pacifier, which he picks up and carries with them to the guest bedroom. He quickly rinses it off in the bathroom and offers it Tony, who shakes his head, making Steve frown. Howard had really gotten to him it seems…

“What’s the matter, baby?” Steve asks, internally wincing at the dull stabbing pain in his bicep where the bullet made a tunnel through it.

“”m wet and yucky…” Tony mumbles, looking as if he were ready to cry again.

“It’s okay, Tony. You know why?” Steve says, laying the little boy down on the queen sized bed.

“Cause Uncle Steve gonna make it all better?” Tony sniffles, holding onto his puppy and blanket a little tighter as Steve sheds the backpack and opens it up.

“That’s right, baby.” Steve agrees, smiling down at him as he slips Tony’s pants off and untapes the sides of the diaper.

“But it’s yucky…” Tony says, not believing that Steve doesn’t care what state the child’s diaper is in as long as the little one gets changed.

“It happens, bug.” Steve assures him in a gentle voice, quickly cleaning Tony up and taping a fresh diaper in place before blowing kisses on the little guy’s exposed abdomen.

Tony laughs wildly, forgetting about all the bad things that happened what seemed like only seconds ago. Steve grins and picks Tony up- neglecting to put the little boy’s pants back on, which doesn’t escape the child’s keen observations.

“Uncle Steve, you forgot my pants!” Tony points out, letting his puppy and blanket fall to the bed as he tries to cover his diaper with the hem of his shirt.

“Oh, you don’t need pants.” Steve dismisses, kissing the little boy’s cheek.

“Yes, I do!” Tony argues, feeling more and more self-conscious.

“Why?” Steve asks, feigning confusion.

“Cover my diaper…” Tony answers in small voice as he blushes.

“What’s so bad about your diaper showing, baby?” Steve asks in a soft voice, genuinely curious as he rubs his nose against Tony, who stays quiet, neither noticing Maria entering the room.

“He used to love running around in just a diaper and a t-shirt with his little pacifier in his mouth… But when he turned two, Howard practically had a temper tantrum and suddenly, my little Antonio refused to go anywhere or do anything without having his diaper covered.” Maria answers, her arms wrapped around herself in discomfort while she recalls the memory. “I’ve talked to professionals and other moms and both have told me the same thing. Antonio’s brilliant and if it weren’t for Howard raising him on fear, my little genius probably would have been potty trained by the time he was two.”

“I can see that being true. I realized as I got older that I only felt comfortable with my Ma potty training me after my Father started working longer hours to the point that he was so tired that he wasn’t up to yelling or beating me.” Steve responds, a thoughtful look on his face before he turns back to Tony. “Is that why you don’t like your diaper showing, bug?”

Tony’s bottom lip quivers as he nods.

“Let’s get your arm all bandaged up, Steve.” Maria tells him, trying to turn the focus away from painful memories.

“Right. I should probably get it covered before it can get infected.” Steve agrees, kissing Tony’s cheek as he sits on the edge of the bed and offers the little boy the pacifier again, which he takes without a fuss and starts to suck on.

Maria grabs the first aid kit from the bathroom and goes to work on Steve’s arm. It doesn’t take long for her to put gauze over the entrance and exit wounds and then wrap them. All the while Steve is whispering things to Tony that make her little boy smile and giggle a bit.

“Alright, you’re all bandaged up.” Maria announces, rubbing Steve’s shoulder before kissing Tony’s cheek and petting his hair. “Jarvis will bring your baba in a couple minutes. Sweet dreams, my little angel.”

Tony blushes a bit but smiles and beams up at his mother, she hadn’t used the term baba since he was almost two and she certainly hadn’t called him any pet names other than Antonio since around the same time. His father kept discouraging her from ‘babying’ him, which wasn’t anything knew since his father was constantly pushing Tony to grow up and fast. Maria slips out of the room and Steve sets Tony on the bed. He changes into his night clothes on the spot, feeling uncomfortable about leaving Tony alone after the poor child was traumatized. Steve then clears all the unnecessary items from them bed and climbs onto, settling Tony on his lap in much the same as the first night they were together. As Steve looks down at the little boy curled up against him, he notices Tony isn’t in a very good mood anymore.

“Hey, what’s the matter, baby?” Steve nearly coos at the little boy, patting Tony’s diapered bottom affectionately.

“Somethin’…” Tony mumbles with a sniffle as his pacifier falls into his lap, which gives Steve some relief at the boy’s willingness to admit something was wrong.

“What’s that somethin’, huh?”

“I meant it, Uncle Steve…” Tony says, his lip quivering as he looks up his guardian.

“Meant what, sweetie?” Steve asks.

“That I wish you were my Daddy…” Tony clarifies, starting to cry.

“I can tell, Tony, but you have to be careful about saying that to your dad. It’s not a nice thing to hear, which means it’s usually not a nice thing to say- even if it is true.” Steve explains, rocking Tony in his arms.

“I know… b-but Father was … was being so mean … and I- I- I thought…” Tony trails off, struggling to talk through his sobs.

“You thought that it would help your dad understand that he wasn’t being a very good dad?” Steve offers, feeling horrible for the poor child who is too smart for his own good.

Tony simply nods, still crying and clinging to Steve.

“I know, baby, but it just made him more mad because he wants you to be successful and secure but he still feels bad deep down that he’s forcing you to be a big boy before you’re ready.” Steve further explains, kissing Tony’s forehead. “But that’s enough of this for tonight. I’ll talk to your dad when you take your nap tomorrow. It’s getting way too late for you to be up, bug.”

“But-” Tony starts with a sniffle before Steve hushes him.

“I know, my snuggle bug needs to have his baba before he goes night-night.” Steve interjects, smiling as Jarvis enters and hands him a bottle full of chocolate flavored nutrition shakes.

Tony allows Steve to feed him the bottle while the latter hums softly, trying to mimic the softness that his mom had with him when he was Tony’s age. As Tony gets close to finishing the shake, Steve stops humming, feeling he has some important things to say before Tony can start dreaming.

“I love you, Tony, and I honestly wish you were my son. Unfortunately you’re not, but that doesn’t make me love you less.” Steve whispers, before taking the empty bottle out of the little boy’s mouth and slipping the red pacifier in as a substitute. “I know I won’t always be here, partly because you’re dad doesn’t like me as much as he used to, but I’ll always love you and I’ll always come back. But until that time comes where I have to go for some reason, I’ll keep my promise and I’ll never let go…”

By the time Steve finishes, he can tell Tony has fallen asleep by the slow rhythmic movements of the little boy’s pacifier and the steady breathing. The thing that makes Steve smile most is the smile plastered on the child’s face as he situates both of them into a more comfortable sleeping position before falling asleep himself.

“ _It feels like nothing really matters anymore When you're gone, I can't breathe And I know you never meant to make me feel this way This can't be happening Now I see, now I see Everybody hurts some days It's okay to be afraid Everybody hurts, everybody screams Everybody feels this way And it's okay, it's okay So many questions, so much on my mind So many answers I can't find Wish I could turn back the time I wonder why Everybody hurts some days…_ ” –Avril Lavigne, “Everybody Hurts”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Son of Sam is a legit serial killer from around the time period this piece takes place, I actually did look into him to make it all work. He was actually abused a lot as a child and had many victims. Here's a link to the main page I took information from: http://beforeitsnews.com/paranormal/2014/09/1970s-to-1980s-serial-killers-to-slashers-2476278.html


	4. Bye Bye, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a little déjà vu and Tony spends the night in tears.

“ _Theres a place that Ive found As far as I can see This place lies within The depths of my dreams In a garden surrounded By fire and trees Through the smoke a silhouette I can barely see… Standing in the rain… Never fall asleep You won’t wake up Destroy the guillotine… I walk with shadows (you have to find a better way) I walk with shadows (the questions I will never say) Hiding from the gallows (they keep me safe and sound) So I walk in shadows (the ways of burning down this house)…_ ”- Escape the Fate, “My Apocalypse”

It’s been months since the Starks have seen Steve Rogers. The American Hero had been able to stay clear of the Vietnam War for longer than any of them expected. It was about a month and a half after he had come to live with them that he was summoned to lead the American troops in Vietnam. Tony had cried himself to sleep that night and they didn’t hear from Steve until a month later when a letter addressed to one Tony Stark arrived. It seemed that ending the war was going to take longer than expected- months, even. Steve had come back for only a weekend, the weekend of Tony’s fifth birthday party, before he was summoned on a classified mission. That mission required stopping an attack similar to the one he had foiled back in World War II. But this time, Steve doesn’t think he’ll come back from this one, even if Howard Stark puts aside his grievances against him and thaws him out again.

The phone rings at the Stark residence, answered by Jarvis, who informs Maria Stark that she has been requested. Tony is reading in the lounge next to his mother when she rushes to take the receiver from their faithful butler.

“Hello?” Maria answers, hoping it’s who she assumes it is.

“Hi, Mrs. Stark.” Steve greets, sounding none too happy.

“Steve! Are you alright? We haven’t heard from you in months…” Maria presses, putting a finger to her lips as Tony runs up to her with pleading eyes.

“I’m fine for now, but I’m certainly having some déjà vu…” Steve sighs on the other end, struggling to override the autopilot of the armed jet. “Except, I don’t think it’ll do me any good to be thawed out a second time, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, Steve…” Maria frowns, realizing what he means.

“What is it, Mommy?” Tony asks, looking worried.

“Is that Tony?” Steve asks, his tone warmer than before as he hears the receiver being jostled.

“Uncle Steve!” Tony cheers.

“Hi, baby!” Steve says, grinning for the first time since he saw the little boy for his fifth birthday.

“I’m potty trained now! It was just like you said! Mommy says she thinks everyone will be surprised that I ever wore diapers!” Tony shares, proud of himself and feeling even more proud now that he can tell his Uncle Steve.

“Yay! I knew you could do it!” Steve praises. “Gosh, you’re getting so big!”

“Uh-huh!” Tony agrees, beaming. “Uncle Steve, when are you coming home?”

 _Home…_ Steve hadn’t thought of that word in a long time. He’d been pretty nomadic since he was Captain America, doing shows and ending wars…

“That’s what I called to talk to you about, bug.” Steve answers, feeling a lump in his throat as he imagines Tony very nearly breaking into tears.

Steve realizes that he might be somewhere near Antarctica since he had been going south and can only see snow, ice, and ocean. The line is quiet for a moment while Tony lets it sink in that Steve might not be coming back.

“Hey, baby, are you still there?” Steve asks, feeling an awful churning in his stomach.

“You… aren’t coming home?” Tony sniffles into the phone.

“No, baby, not if I want you to be okay… You remember the story about how your dad had to dig me out of the ice before you were born?” Steve prompts, knowing he has tell Tony that everything will be okay, but maybe not right now.

“Yeah…”

“Well, your dad is going to have to do it again. It’s the only way to keep this scary jet away from you so that you’re safe.” Steve explains, feeling as if hot wax were rolling down his cheeks instead of warm tears. “I love you, Tony, and this isn’t goodbye. It’s see you later, though it may be much later than either of us want. Just promise me that you’ll be brave and never forget your Uncle Steve.”

“I love you too, Uncle Steve and I won’t forget!” Tony cries, feeling Maria wrap her arms around him.

“I’ve gotta go now, baby… I love you so much!” Steve tells him before the line goes dead.

Tony drops the receiver and clings to his mother, crying into the skirt of her plain lavender dress. As Maria attempts to comfort her son, Howard finally comes up from his lab. He knows what happened because the Head of Defense had already called him to say that he needed to start getting ready to search Antarctica for a Captain America ice block for the second time, making Howard wonder what it is with Steve and getting himself turned into a Popsicle. The thing that Howard isn’t prepared for is his son sobbing in his wife’s arms. Suddenly, Howard makes a decision that will forever stump Anthony Edward Stark.

“Anthony…” Howard calls in a soft voice.

Tony looks up at his father with red, puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a runny nose.

“Come here, buddy.” Howard gently insists, holding his arms out to the boy.

Tony obeys, stopping just a few steps away from his father, who closes the gap and actually picks his son up.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m going to go found Steve, but there’s a good chance I won’t be able to.” Howard comforts, rubbing his son’s back and seeing the look- one of complete adoration and love-that his wife hasn’t given him in years on her face. “He loves you very much and I do too, but Uncle Steve was right… I get so worked up and all and then I get mean and usually take it out on you, but that’s not nice and it’s not fair of me.”

Tony simply clings to his father and cries for a while.

“I love you too, dad…” Tony sniffles, kissing his father on the cheek.

“You have no idea how much that means to me.” Howard says, kissing Tony’s forehead, before setting him down on his feet. “I have to pack so I can go and search for your Uncle Steve. If I can find him, I promise I’ll bring him back.”

With that, Howard hugs his son and disappears. Tony sleeps with his mother that night, curled up in his parents’ bed. The night was rough, Tony waking up from nightmares in a cold sweat and Maria startling awake to her son’s cries. In all the soothing she did, she never thought to warn her son that it would never hurt any less, just be pushed to the back of her son’s mind.

“ _I know I took the path that you would never want for me I know I let you down, didn't I so many sleepless nights where you were waiting up on me well I'm just a slave unto the night now remember when I told you that's the last you'll see of me remember when I broke you down to tears I know I took the path that you would never want for me I gave you hell through all the years… I bet my life I bet my life on you… I've been around the world and never in my wildest dreams would I come runnin' home to you I've told a million lies but now I'll tell a single truth there's you in everything I do… don't tell me that I'm wrong I've walked that road before and left you on your own please believe them when they say that it's left for yesterday in the records that I play please forgive me for all I've done…”_ – Imagine Dragons, “Bet My Life”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love doing song quotes/adding song lyrics at the beginning and ends of chapters to give more of feel to each one, plus, sometimes it's just great to have a soundtrack.


	5. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella tells Tony her biggest secret and her plans for after graduation, which leaves Tony conflicted.

“ _Danced all night and slept all day Careless with my heart again Fearless when it comes to playing games… Is that your ghost or are you really there? Now I can't walk, I can't talk anymore Since you walked out the door And now I'm stuck, living out that night again I'm not falling apart… Try my hardest not to scream I find my heart is growing weak… Now what's the problem? I can't see You destroyed me, I won't fall apart again I'm not falling apart… Waiting and falling Constantly calling out your name Will it ever change? … I'm not falling apart” -_ Maroon 5, “Not Falling Apart”

It’s the 12th anniversary of Steve having been lost to the ice. Tony is 17 and only a month away from graduating MIT. He’s been staying with Ella, sharing a one bedroom, one bathroom, furnished apartment to be closer to the campus. After years of enduring his father’s anger with only a slightly better understanding of the received abuse, Tony has developed some bad habits in ways that only Tony Stark can. Namely, partying, drinking, and having anonymous sex with random girls as Frat and Sorority parties- all of which, Ella accompanies him to, if for no other reason to make sure that her young friend doesn’t manage to accidently kill or maim himself.

As Tony looks up at her standing over him, he must admit that after the shit she’s been through, she looks amazing. After numerous rounds of bleaching and dying her originally dark chocolate colored hair, she now sports a vibrant ‘ultraviolet’ color that is currently sloppily woven into a Katniss-esque side braid while her bangs frame her pale and freckled skin. Her thin, rectangular glasses are fake- more to make her look a little more normal than anything else, though they draw attention to her dark purple irises- a result of her unfortunate past when she became a teenager. She’s practically the human equivalent of a lap dog in size, barely reaching five feet tall while barefoot and flat on the ground, but she has a lovely figure in Tony’s eyes- something he’s told her all too often for her tastes. It doesn’t help that her favorite lounge clothes are “hot pants” and a tank top with a pair of mismatched ankle socks.

“Tony, I swear, one of these days, I’m going to leave your ass passed out on the floor of that sorority house.” Ella threatens, staring him down with an annoyed expression.

“You love me too much.” Tony disagrees, laying on his bed with one arm tucked behind his head.

“Do I?” Ella asks with an amused expression as she flicks on the light.

Tony hisses and covers his eyes to block out the offensive fluorescent lights.

“Okay, maybe not as much as I give you credit for.” Tony groans, still hungover from huge sorority party the other night, where he screwed at least half a dozen women and drank enough alcohol that Ella was surprised he didn’t need his stomach pumped.

Ella switches the overhead light off and turns her desk lamp on- much less cruel to a person with a hangover. She sits down on Tony’s bed and pulls his head in her lap.

“We both know why last night was worse than the others.” Ella points out, hoping to get him to talk while sober for once.

“That was worse?” Tony questions, uncovering his eyes and looking up at her- he notices she abandoned her fake glasses.

“Yes, Tony. It was worse. Please just talk for once. Don’t make sort through your head to make sure you’re still sane.” Ella answers with a heavy sigh as she runs her fingers through his hair- she learned long ago that it was a favorite of his. “Well as sane as you can be since you’re a Stark.”

“Ha! That’s a good one, mind if I use that?” Tony responds, attempting to distract her.

“Go right ahead, but only if you start talking.” Ella qualifies, clearly not having it.

“Only if you tell me what turned you into a super human.” Tony insists, hoping to buy himself some time.

“I hate you sometimes.” Ella sighs. “Fine. Aunt Peggy had introduced me to Nick Fury, who unfortunately, took an interest in me. I was like, I don’t know, 16? I had been studying a bunch of fighting styles on my own so I would be able to protect myself if I was ever alone and attacked because my mother instilled a deep fear of being kidnapped and raped or molested in me at a very young age. So naturally, when Aunt Peggy found out, she took me to S.H.I.E.L.D. and they put me through a ridiculous number of tests before one of their insane scientists snatched me up. He kept me bound to a gurney and stuck me with syringes filled with some purple liquid more times than I can count. Next thing I knew, they started pushing me harder and harder in what they called training. Next thing I knew, I was reading Director Fury’s mind, able to lift a fucking car just by thinking about it, pick up a full grown and well-toned man with one arm and hand, and heal wounds, mostly only my own. Here’s the real kicker though, they actually tied me down, slice open my arm or leg or my abdomen and just left me there until I healed the cuts on my own.”

“That’s some twisted bullshit.” Tony comments, breathing in the scent of his best friend- she smells like delicate flowers, vanilla, and some other pleasant aromas.

 _How have I not fucked her yet?_ Tony wonders to himself as he stares up at her.

“What?!” Ella presses with an incredulous chuckle.

“Why haven’t we had sex yet?” Tony asks, completely serious and apparently quite disturbed as his failure to nail her.

“Because I won’t fuck just anyone any time for any reason.” Ella explains, looking just as incredulous as her earlier chuckle sounded-very.

“Oh, come on, Ell, I’m not just anyone and it’s because you’re attractive, amazing, smart and a total badass.” Tony pushes, twisting her braid around his fingers. “Well, as much as you can be all those things for being a freak.”

“That’s good, mind if I use that one?” Ella asks dryly as she shoves him off her lap, causing his head to hit the wall that the bed is pressed up against.

“OW! Ell, that hurt!” Tony mock whines, making his lip quiver as he looks up at her.

“Aw, poor baby!” Ella teases, lifting Tony into her lap with ease and cradling him like a baby as she slyly pulls out one of his supposedly secret comfort objects from under his pillow- his old red pacifier that Steve had written on with black marker- and slips it in his mouth before he can protest. “There, all better.”

Ella kisses the spot where he hit his head as he spits out the pacifier. He stands and narrows his eyes at her for a moment, snatching up his well-loved ‘paci.’

“How did you know about that?” Tony presses, glaring at her.

“When you get drunk, by the time we get back here, you’re usually in tears and have pissed yourself. You’re so fucking out of it that you don’t even realize it’s me and not your Uncle Steve taking care of you.” Ella explains patiently, though she looks hurt and frustrated. “I’m the one who bathes you and puts you in clean underwear and pajamas. When I carry you to bed, you start whining like a toddler until you have your stuffed puppy named _Roger_ , your baby blanket, and your pacifier. Granted you usually just hold your pacifier in your hand, Last night was the first night I ever saw you actually suck on it.”

Tony blanches and thinks over all that she’s done for him. It’s embarrassing. All of it. He can’t help but wonder, completely mortified, if he ever started acting so… childish at any of the parties. He doesn’t think she’d be cruel enough to do that to him, but he never really knows with her. On top of all of that- he really can’t help the thought- his little fake lip quiver didn’t even work to get in her pants. He had planned to kiss her when she would go to kiss the spot on his head where it ‘hurt’ and then he’d be all sexy and they’d finally do it.

“Tony, the only reason I hate that you party and drink so much is because I know why you do it, even without flipping through your thoughts.” Ella tells him, looking seriously concerned for him. “And if you say that you’re fine, I’m going to hurt you.”

“What do you want me to say, Ella?” Tony demands, trying to be angry with her to avoid breaking down. “Seriously, what? Do you honestly expect me to tell you that I’m not okay and that I hate myself and hate my life? Maybe drone on about how Howard used to beat me and how Steve became even more so my hero after he jacked my father in the face for hurting me and making me fall into a pile of bloody glass shards? Or maybe you wanna hear about all the self-abuse I did after I found out Steve was never coming back? Is that what you wanna hear?”

By the time Tony has made his little speech, he’s in tears and hating himself for it. Ella just sits on his bed for a moment before gently pulling him to curl up in her lap, which he allows himself to do- surprising both of them. As her arms wrap around him, he bursts into heavy sobs, clinging to her.

“I’m sorry, Tony, I wasn’t trying to hurt you or make you open old wounds or anything…” Ella apologizes in a soft voice as she pets his hair and rests her cheek on the top of his head- just like Steve used to do. “I’ve been scared for you… I just wanted to help you process all of these things- the feelings, the memories- so you might stop trying so hard to kill yourself because whether you mean to or not, that’s what you’re doing to yourself…”

Tony manages to calm himself down after a bit, focusing solely on her soothing touch. Finally, he sits up, crossing his legs and wipes the remaining tears from his face with his hand.

“I appreciate that you care, Ell, I really do, but no one can help me.” Tony sniffles, looking her in the eye with a broken aura about him.

Before Ella can respond, there’s a knock on the apartment’s front door and a muffled voice calling Tony’s name. Ella looks at Tony with a pleading look, hoping he’ll just ignore whoever it is and keep talking to her. She heaves a heavy sigh and follows him as he gets up and goes to answer the door.

“Hey, Tony! There’s an awesome club hosting a huge dance party tonight.” James Rhodes greets. “Are you in?”

“Yeah, I just-” Tony starts.

“Tony! NO!” Ella snaps, knowing that he hasn’t even gotten over his current hangover.

Plus, if she’s being honest with herself, she can’t take yet another night of bathing, dressing, and tucking Tony in before he whines until she finally climbs into his bed and cuddles with him while stroking his hair until he falls asleep.

“Dude, what did you do to her?” Rhodey asks in a lower voice, glancing at the angry, violet-haired girl behind his best friend.

“Nothing, I forgot I actually can’t because Ell and I have some sort of inspection or something tonight so we have to clean the apartment before the manager comes up.” Tony smoothly lies, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry, Rhodey, looks like you’re flyin’ solo tonight.”

“No, I get it.” Rhodey insists with a sly grin to Tony before leaning in and whispering. “You finally got her to get in bed with you, didn’t you?”

“You could say that…” Tony says, thinking of how it wasn’t entirely a lie since they had both been sitting on the same bed.

“Nice! Have fun, man!” Rhodey encourages as he starts to leave.

Tony closes the door with a sigh before turning around and leaning against it with a glare at Ella. She’s glaring right back, her eyes shimmering and watery as a couple throw pillows from the couch start levitating and seem to chuck themselves at him.

“You wanna tell me what all that was about?” Tony presses, chucking the pillows back on the coach.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Tony Stark!” Ella cries, angrily wiping the escaped tears from her face.

“How? How am I an idiot?” Tony questions, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You just don’t care about anyone! I told you something that I never told anyone before so you’d trust me and open up while you’re sober for once and it’s like I told you the weather for all you care!” Ella accuses, gesturing wildly with pent up frustration. “Instead of just ignoring Rhodey for once and spending time with the person who carries your drunk ass home and bathes and dresses and cuddles you until you stop crying and go to sleep, you answer the fucking door and start planning the next outing to fulfill your fucking incessant need to off yourself with no regard to what that would do to the people who still care about you!”

Tony is stunned and simply stands in the same position, not even realizing how much she did for him and how little she wanted in return. Before his brain can even process the accusations she’s laid out for him, she rolls her eyes, looking to the ceiling as she laughs dryly in disbelief as her hands drop to her mostly bare thighs with a loud ‘slap!’

“You know what, Tony?” Ella starts, sniffing back the rest of her tears as she shakily breathes in and out. “Fuck off. I’m fucking done. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t take another night of you bawling and calling me Daddy Steve or Uncle Steve as I clean you up and try to make everything seem right in the world for your sake. And if you want to go out and drink yourself stupid, go right ahead but I’m not following you around so that I can coax you into my car so you can piss yourself and have a breakdown that I have to take care of because the universe knows you’re too wasted to even stand by then.”

Before Tony can say anything she retreats into the bathroom, where he hears the door lock and her sobbing as the tell-tale sound of the water running signals that she’s about to soak in the tub until she forgets why she ever felt anything than wasn’t completely neutral or thought anything that wasn’t entirely logical. He drops on the couch and starts thinking through all the new information he’s been given by the girl who’s been his best friend and confidant longer than he’s even known Rhodey. He never thought about how he’d gotten home before, and certainly never questioned how he would be passing out in one place as a total wreck and waking up at the apartment as if he’d never left and had gotten ready for bed like he was plain and boring college student who only ever did his assignments and went to coffee shops to study with other like-minded blank slates.

Tony realizes a couple of hours have passed and that Ella’s still locked herself in the bathroom, though there’s not a single sound coming from it. Tony starts to worry a bit since she usually made some noise from splashing around as she washed her hair three times over and maybe shaved her legs or something. He gets up, crosses to the bathroom door and knocks, waiting for an answer. He doesn’t even get a groan from her, he hopes it means she’s giving him the silent treatment this time. The last time she didn’t answer him, she’d had one of her many blackouts. Tony had practically smashed the door open to find her draped over the side of the tub as if she had tried to climb out from a lounging position with her upper half starting to slip towards the tile floor while her lower half was awkwardly twisted and still in the tub full of water.

“Come on, Ella, at least groan or something so I don’t try to knock the door down to see if you’re alive.” Tony urges, feeling slightly more anxious.

Suddenly, the door unlocks and opens to reveal Ella sitting on the edge of the tub, wrapped in a turquoise towel. Her eyes are red and puffy and she’s scowling at him.

“Two hours.” Ella states. “It took you two hours to even see if I was any sort of alright.”

“Well, wait for the shock factor, Ell. I was actually thinking about what you had said-” Tony defends before Ella cuts him off.

“Wow, he thinks willingly now.” Ella comments sarcastically.

“Yeah, about that, congratulations because Steve-” Tony continues, wincing as he mentions his self-proclaimed uncle. “is the only other person who could get me to. Back to what I was saying before, you’re right.”

“How so?” Ella interrogates, narrowing her eyes, actively forcing herself to stay out of his head and let him say it.

“Wait, I actually have to say it?” Tony clarifies with a groan. “Will the torment never end?”

“Try being some asshole’s science experiment.” Ella challenges, not amused in the least and especially annoyed that Tony is complaining about such a simple task.

Then again, it is Tony.

“I do drink myself stupid to try to quiet all the turmoil in my head. Sometimes, I do push it because I think I’d be more peaceful if I were dead…” Tony admits, avoiding eye contact, especially as he practically whispers the next part. “Like Uncle Steve…”

Tony looks up, surprised, when Ella groans and runs her hands through her damp hair. She sighs, gets up, and walks over to Tony. Before he can register what she’s doing, Ella picks Tony up like a toddler and carries him back to their shared bedroom. She lays him down on his bed and slips into their closet, throwing on a Markiplier t-shirt and a pair of capris-style yoga pants. When she emerges, she sits down on his bed and has him lay across her lap with his head on his pillow while she runs her fingers back and forth through his hair.

“He’s not dead, Tony.” She tells him in a quiet voice.

“You don’t know that.” Tony counters.

“No, you don’t know that.” Ella corrects with a firm tone. “I went with S.H.I.E.L.D. on assignment a few summers in a row after they experimented on me. Tony, I can feel people’s energy, like, life force or whatever if I really tune into that part of myself. While we were out there, somewhere far from where they had last thought Steve to be, I felt his energy the way that you seem to feel when people are staring.”

“What?” Tony questions, shifting to look up at her to search her eyes. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. It was an accidental side effect so it’s not like it’s very precise. I can tell the difference between human, animal, and plant energies because they’re all different but I can’t like hone in on the location of it.” Ella sighs, feeling frustrated that she can’t tell him what he wants to hear without lying to him.

“So what does this mean?” Tony pushes, feeling an urgency welling up inside of himself.

“It means he’s alive and S.H.I.E.L.D. is looking for him.” Ella answers simply. “But there’s a catch, Tony.”

“Catch?”

“Once we graduate, S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to start experimenting on me again so that they can sharpen my ‘life force location skill’ and use me to find Steve.” Ella elaborates.

“They can’t do that to you! You’re an adult, you can refuse!” Tony points out, outraged at his best friend being used like a lab rat. “Can’t you?”

“Tony…”

“No…” Tony whispers, shaking his head and rubbing his face with his hands as if he just woke up and needs to clear the sleepy haze away. “No, you can’t.”

“I agreed to it. This is the closest anyone’s ever been to finding Steve Rogers and if I let them mess around with my body a little more then I’ll be able to find him.” Ella argues in a logical tone. “I want to bring him home to you, Tony… I don’t want you to hurt anymore…”

Tony can’t believe what he’s hearing. As he pushes his brain to think of any and every argument possible to change her mind, he starts holding his breath to the point that he passes out, not even realizing he was doing it.

“Tony!” Ella cries, catching him and pulling him into her lap.

She holds her breath until she notices him releasing his now that his body is on autopilot. Ella breathes a sigh of relief and shifts him and herself so that they’re cuddled up like she would with him after she brought him home drunk and cleaned him up.

“I love you, Tony Stark, you daft prick…” Ella whispers, running her fingers through his hair as she watches him rest.

“ _It's plain to see it's trying to speak_ Cherished dreams forever asleep Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly Hopelessly I'll give you everything But I won't give you up I won't let you down And I won't leave you falling If the moment ever comes…” – Muse “Endlessly”


	6. Graduated Proximity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I used lyrics to show time transitions and set the mood between scenes- this chronicles Ella and Tony's relationship and the continued search for Steve.

“ _You could be my unintended Choice to live my life extended You could be the one I'll always love You could be the one who listens To my deepest inquisitions You could be the one I'll always love I'll be there as soon as I can But I'm busy mending broken Pieces of the life I had before First there was the one who challenged All my dreams and all my balance She could never be as good as you You could be my unintended Choice to live my life extended You should be the one I'll always love I'll be there as soon as I can But I'm busy mending broken Pieces of the life I had before I'll be there as soon as I can But I'm busy mending broken Pieces of the life I had before Before you”_ –Muse, “Unintended”

After Tony became conscious again, he had opened his eyes to find Ella missing. In fact, as he searches the apartment, he realizes she’s not even home anymore. After some hesitation, he slips under her loft bed and looks over her desk to find a note addressed to him.

_Tony,_

_I’m sorry for everything. I lied when I said that S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to wait until after graduation. I’m sure you remember how I disappeared for a week- considering that by the time I came back you were having a panic attack. I was taking my finals that week, which the agency had arranged for. I had pushed them to wait until graduation so that I could keep an eye on you, which they had agreed to. However, I realized after we talked, or fought, I suppose would be more accurate, that you probably can’t stand me anymore so I’ve left to start the experimentation and training for my seemingly ‘sixth sense.’_

_Love,_

_Ella Dean Claucher_

_P.S. I love you…_

_P.P.S. That’s why I’m doing all of this._

Paper clipped to the note is a strip of pictures from the photo booth at the mall- the most notable one depicts him and Ella ‘sharing their first kiss,’ which both insisted was completely platonic. As Tony looks closely at the picture, he realizes she meant every second of it.

 _Wish I would have known sooner…_ Tony sighs in his mind as he tosses the photo strip aside. He grabs his cell phone and hits the number one and then send- Ella’s speed dial. Ever since she had turned thirteen, she had rescued him from his toxic home as often as possible. His mother actually hired Ella to be his babysitter and was thrilled when she found out that he would be living with Ella while he attended MIT instead of trying to live in the dorms.

Tony listens to the phone ring and ring and ring until it goes to voicemail.

“Hey, you’ve reached Ella Dean’s voice mail and to be perfectly honest, I might be ignoring you- you know who you are. If you’re Tony hit 21 and press pound.” Ella’s pre-recorded voice answers.

The last part is new to him. He presses 2 and then 1 before hitting the pound key. Then, it asks for a passcode, which he already knows is 59, though if the numbers are separated, it’s the ages they were when they met.

“I knew you would try to call me so I recorded a special voicemail for you. You can’t change my mind and chances are, I’m already tied down to the gurney and being injected. I love you too much to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself so I’m going out to look for your uncle this summer, when all the testing and injections will be over. You probably won’t hear from me for a long time, but I’ll try and write.” Ella’s message plays back, sounding as if she were on the subway and had been crying again. “You won’t be able to track me because S.H.I.E.L.D. will block your every attempt so please just study and graduate like I did. Then you can try and find me if you’re still going crazy- though I don’t know why you would. I love you, Tony. I promise it’s not goodbye, it’s just see you later…”

The calls ends, flashing Ella’s smiling face on his screen with her nickname, Ell, accompanied by a heart. Tony drops his phone on his bed and runs his hands through his hair. Without thinking about it, Tony changes clothes, throws his phone in his pocket, and heads out of the apartment, locking the door behind him as he dials home. Within ten minutes, Jarvis picks Tony up and drives him to Stark Manor. Upon arriving at home, Tony bolts inside and searches for his mother, not even noticing the tears running down his face as his breathing goes ragged. He finds her in the lounge, sketching in book of plain white paper that has a picture of tony as a baby clipped to the corner of her current page.

“Mom, where’s dad?!” Tony questions, still in a frenzy.

Maria Stark jumps, pressing a hand to her heart and using the other to set her project aside.

“Antonio, sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks, more concerned with his current condition than answering him.

“No, okay, but I need to know where dad is!” Tony answers, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“He went to work earlier today and called a few hours ago to say that he’ll be home pretty late and working longer, though he’s not sure for how long…” Maria explains, startled by her son’s frantic behavior.

“He’s at S.H.I.E.L.D., isn’t he?” Tony guesses, dropping to sit on the edge of the coffee table as his mother nods.

“I don’t understand, Anthony, what is all of this about?” Maria questions, sitting on the couch and searching his eyes for something.

“He’s experimenting on Ella!” Tony sniffles, trying to keep himself together as he recaps what her learned about his best friend and former babysitter.

By the time he’s done explaining all that had happened, carefully leaving out the parts having to do with his bad habits and how he still cuddles his comfort items when he goes to bed, Maria looks at a loss.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry…” Maria apologizes, feeling awful for all that he’s going through.

“She told me that same thing Uncle Steve said when he called to say he wasn’t coming home…” Tony sobs, trying to reign himself in.

“I’m sure you will see her again and a lot sooner than you think.” Maria soothes.

“I didn’t even get to apologize for all the stupid things I did to her or tell her that she was wrong…” Tony laments, blowing his nose on the tissue that his mother offers him. “I think I loved her… And now she’s gone and I didn’t say a damn thing…”

“ _Oh I have a lot to say I was thinking on my time away I miss you and things weren't the same Cause everything inside, it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me want to die I'm sorry I’m bad I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss I love all your sounds Baby the way you make my world go round And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry_

_“This time, I think I'm to blame It's harder to get through the days You get older and blame turns to shame Cause everything inside, it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me want to die I'm sorry I'm bad I'm sorry you’re blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss I love all your sounds Baby the way you make my world go round And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry_

_“Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried It's never too late to make it right Oh yeah, sorry! I'm sorry I'm bad I'm sorry you’re blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss I love all your sounds Baby the way you make my world go round And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry… Yeah, I'm sorry.”_ \- Buckcherry, “Sorry”

Howard Stark looks down at her sympathetically as she sobs and writhes in pain. The second round of injections were just administered and so far, so good. After another ten minutes or so of sobbing and writhing, Ella passes out.

Ella opens her eyes to a strange world. Nothing has specific features, though each thing has a specific outline and color, no two colors the same. Judging by the landscape, she supposes she’s in a forest. As she walks around in the strange land, she feels a breeze that she can actually see as well, represented by a periwinkle color. This is when she realizes she’s no longer wearing any clothes.

“Ella, find me…” A voice calls out, whisper soft but clear as day.

She jumps and looks around. Suddenly, the forest around her is melting and reforming in jagged shapes, all of them the same light blue, except for one shape that sticks out of what Ella assumes is the ground. The wind is harsh here and now represented by a deep, navy blue, whipping her hair around her head like a violet tornado. As she approaches the black shape, there’s the familiar outline of a man, though his color is a dull pink and next to a circular object that is the only thing that has a pattern to it.

When Ella startles awake, she’s back in the sterile bedroom that they always leave her in when she stays at the agency for testing and training. Not long after she manages to calm her heartbeat, Howard Stark enters and sits down next to her.

“You scared the hell out of Anthony, Ella.” He informs her, watching as she crumbles upon hearing his words.

“I didn’t mean to…” Ella gasps, her lips quivering in an attempt to control her emotions before things start flying around them. “I just want him to stop hurting…”

“Well, then I guess this is good news for you.” Howard responds with a somber expression. “We’re ready to inject the third and final dose if you think you can handle it. My partners and I have agreed that you are already excelling with your newest sense so we’ve planned only a couple weeks worth of training and then we’ll start searching.”

“Is Tony going to be okay?” Ella asks, neglecting to tell them about her black outs for the thousandth time.

“He will with time. It’s like Jarvis always tells him, time heals all wounds.” Howard assures her.

With that being said, he leaves the room and Ella curls into a ball. She lets herself cry until she feels as though she’s drained every possible tear in her body before closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep a dreamless sleep.

“ _You heard my voice, I came out of the woods by choice Shelter also gave their shade But in the dark I have no name So leave that click in my head And I will remember the words that you said Left a clouded mind and a heavy heart But I am sure we could see a new start So when your hopes on fire But you know your desire Don't hold a glass over the flame Don't let your heart grow cold I will call you by name I will share your road But hold me fast, hold me fast 'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer And hold me fast, hold me fast 'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer_

_“I wrestled long with my youth We tried so hard to live in the truth But do not tell me all is fine When I lose my head, I lose my spine So leave that click in my head And I won't remember the words that you said You brought me out from the cold Now, how I long, how I long to grow old So when your hope's on fire But you know your desire Don't hold a glass over the flame Don't let your heart grow cold I will call you by name I will share your road_

_“But hold me fast, hold me fast 'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer And hold me fast, hold me fast 'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under And I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under The skies I'm under”_ – Mumford and Sons, “Hopeless Wanderer”

Ella Dean Claucher’s mission has lasted over 20 years. She learned how to use her sixth sense and zero in on whatever she desired to find, but her range was sadly very narrow and can’t reach any further than ten feet. It’s warm day summer day back in New York, or so she is told, but she’s in the depths of Antarctica, travelling on the back of a snow mobile driven by one the other agents.

She closes her eyes and breathes.

Her mind warps the world around her into harsh, but detailed outlines of the surrounding landscape. The ice is pale blue, the snow untarnished white, and the wind is the same navy blue from her strange dream all those years ago. But Ella knows how to look past the wind after all of her years of pushing through it. That’s when she sees it, the strange black shape, unlike her dream, there’s no pink shaded outline of a man. Ella taps the shoulder of the agent steering the snow mobile in their practiced code, causing him to slow to a halt. As Ella breathes out, the ‘energy map,’ as she likes to call it, disperses.

She stares straight at the location of the black mass and stretches her mind out, once again closing her eyes. As she does, the other agent’s thoughts appear like text from a book accompanied by images. Ella pushes those aside but finds nothing else in her range so she, using their tactile code, urges him to go towards the black mass in the distance to the right of their current trajectory. He obeys and after a few minutes they’re only about twenty feet from the massive black object.

Suddenly, memories appear behind her eyelids, like watching a movie that is still being woven together. As she watches, she sees a Nazi camp bursting into flames, and then there’s a train and soldiers shooting at the person whose eyes she’s watching through. The memory jumps to the person calling out to a man barely hanging on the peeled back side of the speeding train, but then the man falls before he can be grabbed. A new memory comes into focus, she can see the person is guiding a plane or jet- the black mass before her, she realizes- towards an icy area and the voice of a little boy proudly telling the person something. Then the voice goes away and the jet is rapidly descending towards the ice and snow, causing Ella to scream from behind her mask and scarf. By the time the jet is starting to crash, Ella black outs and hits the icy ground with a cracking sound- she refused to wear her helmet since it distracted her when she tried to focus on her energy map.

“ _Got my mind made up And I'm coming back for you I can hear your voice calling and I'll be there soon I can see you there in the bedroom by those stairs Oh I've always been running but I don't know where And ohhh oh oooh and ohhh oh oooh It took 25 years but I finally see Not the boy I was in the car that you saw leave I'm still not the man that I thought I'd be But when those trumpets sound when the good Lord calls my name Oh I'm gonna be with you…”_ –Parachute, “American Secrets”

“Ell… Ella… Ella!” A familiar voice calls, coming into focus through a haze as she feels her eyelids twitch.

Ella moans a bit, her eyes fluttering open to be greeted with an equally familiar face as she smiles tiredly up at him as her vision clears.

“Tony…” Ella breathes, turning her head towards him. “Why are you in Antarctica?”

“What?” Tony asks, clearly confused. “Ell, you’re in the hospital in New York. You’re back home…”

“I am?” Ella questions, jolting upright and looking around, trying to push through the black clouds covering her vision from the dizziness.

“Woah, calm down there, Hurricane Violet.”

Ella buries her face in her hands and groans as she starts to sniffle.

“No, no, no, no! Shit!” Ella sniffles, shaking her head and realizing it probably wasn’t the best thing to do. “I fucking did it and I can’t even tell them… Damn it!”

“Ell, what’s wrong?” Tony interrogates, gently grabbing her chin and tilting her head to look him in the eye. “What happened?”

“I found Steve…” She sniffs, feeling the tears stream down her face and her breathing ragged. “I picked up on his thoughts, he was having flashbacks, and I blacked out. That’s all I remember…”

“I’m sure they figured it out considering your partner told me you were screaming bloody murder before you blacked out. He said they were going to investigate the sight further.” Tony assures her as he embraces her, petting her hair. “You’ve aged well.”

“You have become even more handsome than I remember from over 20 years ago.” Ella chuckles, still stuffy as she pulls back to look at him closer. “Turns out I’m not immortal, but the last round of injections came with the more pleasurable side effects of not physically aging. Oh, my body will fall apart like anyone else’s but it won’t be all that obvious by just looking at me.”

“I will look amazing having an eternally hot girlfriend by my side.” Tony praises, tucking her somewhat matted hair behind her ear.

“So who’s the lucky girl?” Ella asks, not understanding his round- about way of asking her out.

“A super powered freak with violet hair that may have just accomplished the one task that an entire agency backed by a genius couldn’t do, though we might have to wait a bit on the sex while she recovers from cracking her head on solid ice.” Tony describes, tucking another section of hair behind her other ear. “Her healing powers are on the fritz on account of her neglecting her body by not eating.”

Ella sits there for a moment, a wary look on her face.

“Tony Stark, did you just ask me out?” Ella clarifies, satisfied but still surprised.

“Sure did, Violet.” Tony confirms.

She leans in towards him, planning on kissing him- something he’s been dying to do since she disappeared- and places a hand on the center of his chest, jumping when she feels the bulging circular object instead of his firm and warm chest.

“What is that…” Ella demands, cringing back away from him.

“You missed a lot, Ella-bean.” Tony summarizes. “There was an accident when I went to Afghanistan. There’s several shards of shrapnel around my heart and the only reason they’re haven’t stabbed it is because of this little beauty.”

Tony unbuttons his, humorously, purple dress shirt enough to expose the device implanted in his chest. He slowly guides her hand to lightly touch it, which she cringes at but allows him all the same.

“I call it the arc reactor. I made a miniature version of the one my father created to keep the little daggers around my heart away from it in a magnetic field.” Tony explains. “It’s probably the only thing that’s kept me alive since then.”

There both silent for a moment as Tony looks like he’s thinking of something.

“Well, the only thing other than you and the thought that you never said goodbye, which could only mean you were intending to come back.” Tony adds, leaning in until the tips of their noses touch, and their eyes holding one another’s gaze, while he lightly holds her hand on his chest so her fingertips are just barely brushing the smooth, metallic edge of the arc reactor.

“I intended to come back sooner, but your uncle is a hard man to find…” She breathes before she lets her eyes clothes as their lips meet in soft kiss and then part.

“You’re beautiful, you know that, Ella-bean?” Tony murmurs, smirking as he adds, “For a bad-ass violet haired freak.”

“You’re pretty sexy for a walking corpse.” She whispers, with a devious smile of her own.

“A walking corpse, Ell? Ouch. That hurts.” Tony teases, feigning feeling devastated.

“What happened to sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?” Ella challenges.

“That’s true for other people, but you forget who I am. Stick and stones don’t break my bones because I’m a Stark and we’re made of iron, therefore names hurt like a son of a bitch.” Tony qualifies.

“Oh no… What can I do to make it better, hm?”

“Well you could always go out with me, and a kiss would be pretty optimal for-” Tony starts to list before Ella interrupts him with a kiss. “I think I feel better.”

“Tony, can we go home?” Ella pleads, resting her head against his shoulder.

“Of course.” Tony promises, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s not like I’ve ever listened to the doctors before.”

“I think that’s okay this time around since you’re not the one in the hospital bed.” Ella qualifies, smiling up at him. “Please tell me you brought me clothes.”

“I did. They’re in the bathroom in the corner there. I left them on the chair.” Tony assures her, helping her slip out of the hospital bed.

She makes her way into the bathroom and closes the door. As she looks at the clothes in the pile, she finds a teal dress, the multi-wear ‘cosmic roses’ bra with vibrant purple panties Tony got her for her 21st birthday (he even convinced her to model them, though she still wouldn’t have sex with him), and pair of sandals that look like they came off the feet of Greek princess. On the edge of the sink is her beloved crimson locket with gold leaf detailing strung on a black silk ribbon, containing a picture of her deceased father and younger brother, as well as a picture of Tony that only she knows how to get to. The last things left are Ella’s favorite silver bow headband and a matching silver ribbon. She does her hair first, throwing it in a sloppy side braid and tying it off with the ribbon before slipping the headband on. After Ella dresses and slips her choker on, she timidly exits the bathroom with her gaze cast down until she hears Tony whistle.

“You are the key to making me look like the luckiest, most desirable man on earth.” Tony gloats, taking one of her hands and having her do a little spin for him.

“I’m not a trinket, Tony…” Ella reminds him in a soft, sad tone as she rests her hands on his chest.

“I know you aren’t, I’m kidding. Then again, it’s been awhile since you’ve been exposed to my wonderful humor.” Tony reassures her, resting his hands on her hips. “Now, there’s a bit of a problem with getting home…”

“What… Tony you promised we could go home…” Ella presses, her brow scrunching in worry and confusion while her eyes search his.

“It’s nothing, really, just that it wasn’t the way I hoped I’d be taking you home.” Tony qualifies, caressing her cheek with his right hand. “I didn’t think you’d be ready to go home so I came in the suit.”

“Tony, so what if you wore a suit to the hospital?” Ella points out, anxious to go home.

“It’s actually a metal suit. Everyone calls him Iron Man.” Tony specifies, pressing a button on his earpiece. “J.A.R.V.I.S., can you display the suit for Ella-bean?”

Ella isn’t sure what’s about to happen or why he’s suddenly calling her ‘Ella-bean’ (if she’s honest, she loves it because it sounds like vanilla bean- one of her favorite scents). She jumps a bit as metal thing hovers outside the hospital window. It’s already night fall and the main features that she can see are the thrusters on the hands and feet, the glowing eyes, and glowing piece on the chest that looks like Tony’s arc reactor.

“Tony! What is that?!” Ella questions, terrified as she clings to him, pressing herself closer.

“That is Mark VII. I’m most proud of this one so far. This is Iron Man. Thanks to my interface, J.A.R.V.I.S., it can also operate when I’m not in it. I used that big guy to get here, so it’s a good thing you came back during the summer or you would be freezing.” Tony explains, guiding her up to the rooftop where the suit will already be waiting for them.

“Tony, I don’t want go home with that thing…” Ella admits, shaking a bit as she walks up the last flight of stairs and walking out onto the roof.

“Don’t worry, J.A.R.V.I.S. will take the suit back to Stark Tower and it will be just us at the apartment just like in college.” Tony soothes as he lets go of her hand while the suit starts to absorb him, leaving the face plate up for the time being. “Shall I carry you bridal style?”

“Tony, I- I- I don’t… want to touch it… at all…” Ella insists, clearly looking panicked.

“Ella, just let me pick you up and if you still don’t feel comfortable, then I’ll call Happy.” Tony compromises, stretching his arms out to her.

“Fine…” Ella sighs, turning to her right and cringing and the metal arms of the suit sweep her off her feet. “Tony…”

He can tell she’s close to tears at this point. She never had the chance to be around ‘Iron Man’ before so it’s probably pretty terrifying for her.

“Ell, look at me.” Tony pushes, seeing the tears running down her face as he walks a bit closer to the edge of the roof. “I won’t drop you. Iron Man is here to protect. The suit is my version of a superhero. So what do you say, can you let me be the hero this time?”

Ella sniffs and nods, relaxing instantly as he kisses her before dropping the face plate and activating the thrusters on the feet of Mark VII. Tony glances at her several times during the short flight from the hospital to their apartment, Ella has her eyes closed tight with one arm wrapped around the suit’s neck and the other holding her dress in place. When they’re only a block away from their apartment, he hears her speak up.

“I don’t like heights, Tony…” She cries, her tears spilling down her face like waterfalls as her chin quivers while she bites her bottom lip and breathes in shallow, ragged gasps.

Tony pushes the suit to go a little faster and soon they’re standing front of the apartment door. He sets Ella on her feet, quickly shedding the suit, which J.A.R.V.I.S. puts on autopilot back to the tower, and embraces her. He pulls his key out of his wallet and unlocks the door, taking her hand and guiding her in. The apartment hasn’t been touched since the day that Ella left the note telling Tony she was going back to resume her injections and training.

“Welcome home, Ella-bean.” Tony whispers as he stands behind her, his arms around her waist, and kisses her tear-stained cheek.

“Tony…”

“Hmmm?”

“You’ve always been my little hero…” Ella whispers, turning herself around in his arms to rest her hands on his chest and bury her face in his shoulder. “I love you…”

“I love you too, Ella-bean…” Tony murmurs back, burying his face in her hair- she stills smells like delicate flowers, vanilla, and rain.

“ _Let me be your hero Would you dance If I asked you to dance? Would you run And never look back? Would you cry If you saw me crying? And would you save my soul, tonight? Would you tremble If I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this. Now would you die For the one you loved? Hold me in your arms, tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away._

 _Would you swear That you'll always be mine? Or would you lie? Would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care... You're here tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. Oh, I just want to hold you. I just want to hold you, oh, yeah. Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well, I don't care... You're here tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain, oh, yeah. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. I can be your hero. I can kiss away the pain. And I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. You can take my breath away. I can be your hero.” –_ Enrique Iglesias, “Hero”


	7. Giving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella gives into Tony and then it's reunion time- Never make Tony angry or anxious, he gets mean...  
> WARNING!: CONTAINS GRAPHIC SEX SCENE!!! You've been warned.

_“Some things just, some things just make sense And one of those is you and I Some things just, some things just make sense And even after all this time I'm into you Baby not a day goes by that I'm not into you I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you And even baby our worst nights I'm into you, I'm into you Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah after all this time I'm still into you I'm still into you I'm still into you.”_ –Paramore, “Still Into You”

Tony looks around the apartment, nostalgia sweeping over him. He kept paying for the apartment even after he moved back home because he’d had a feeling that it would be needed again someday. The manager of the apartments was perfectly content with the plan because that was one less tenant he would have to search for and he could boast that Tony Stark was living in his complex. Literally nothing changed for this apartment in the over twenty years he kept is preserved. Thanks to this fact, Ella perks up and practically dances through the apartment while Tony watches with his signature smirk.

“I missed this place so much!” Ella shouts as she goes into their shared bedroom.

While she’s in there, she slips into the closet and pulls out an old Victoria Secret bag. Inside the bag are ribbons, a couple scarfs, and the flower crown Tony had made for her while she was babysitting him- her Aunt Peggy had wondered where all of her fake flowers went until she saw Tony setting a crown of them on her niece’s head.

Quickly, Ella sheds her clothes, shoes, and even her undergarments. She unties the ribbon in her hair, shakes the braid out, and discards the headband on the heap of clothing upon the floor next to her. With practiced hands, she sections her hair into three parts. With one section, she weaves a pastel pink ribbon through her hair as she braids it. She repeats the same process with the other two sections, except one gets a pastel mint ribbon and the other, a pastel lavender. She then takes all the braids, weaving a white ribbon through them and braids them together so that they fall over her left shoulder. She ties it off with a white hair tie and moves onto the scarves. There’s a plain white, thin cotton one that she ties around her waist, giving the effect of a skirt, and one that’s white with pastel pink, mint and lavender in a delicate looking flower pattern, this she wraps around her back and covers her palm-sized breasts with, tying it in the front right in the middle of her chest so there’s a large puffy bow. The remaining ribbons are tied around her forearms and calves and she dons the flower crown.

While Ella is changing, Tony is on his phone, being harassed by Pepper about missing yet another board meeting. He hasn’t told her that he skipped out in favor of seeing an old friend in the hospital- he just ignored her which was becoming the norm. As Tony glances at the time, he realizes Ella’s been silent for over a half hour, and yet, her rose-colored lamp light is glowing in their room. He was ready to assume she’d gone to bed until he saw the light- Ella can’t stand to sleep with the light on, she even hates moonlight coming into the room while she sleeps.

“Ella-bean?” Tony calls, expecting her to answer as he tosses his phone onto the couch cushion, ignoring Pepper’s latest message to him.

Lacking a response, Tony starts to worry that Ella’s blacked out again- or somehow already pissed off at him. He runs back to the bedroom, stopping instantly as he sees her. She’s laying on her side, one hand tucked between her thighs, the other arm propping her up as she presses play on the remote for their stereo. She’s clearly blushing as she looks up at him through her eyelashes and violet bangs with a small, timid smile on her face. The music comes in slowly until he recognizes the song, “Never Let Me Go” by Florence and the Machine, a song that she had delved into the meaning of in one of her random, late night conversations with Tony on one of the rare nights he was sober. He can still remember how she described it. It’s a song about giving in to another person, not because they felt pressured but because it felt like a release and an act of love.

Most importantly, he realizes the message she’s trying to send and why she’s blushing.

“Gee-golly, you’re beautiful…” Tony breathes, trying to make a joke of it as he approaches her, kicking off his shoes. “So, all it took was picking you up from a hospital to get you in bed in a non-platonic way? Wish I’d known sooner.”

“Shut up, Tony.” Ella whispers, laying down and unbuttoning his shirt.

“Your wish is my command.” Tony submits, undoing his belt and shoving his trousers off as he kisses her.

Soon, Tony’s down to only his plain black boxers and straddling Ella as he delicately unwinds the ribbons from her hair and runs his fingers through her thin, but amazingly soft and silky hair- had it always felt this amazing to touch? She kisses him as he unties the scarf covering her fair skinned breasts, taking one into his hand and massaging it, reveling in that fact that he finally gets to touch her so intimately. Her fingers pulls his boxers off, which are promptly discarded on the floor, wandering their way up his body with a breeze of a touch until they gently weave into his hair, pulling him into kiss her again while he removes the white scarf around her hips.

With that, the two fall into a steady rhythm that Ella admits to herself is amazing. As Tony gets deeper into it, he pulls out his earpiece and tosses it on the floor, making Ella only want him more now that he’s clearly focused only on her. She forces him onto his back and takes over, now topping him, riding him. As he kisses her, she can feel his hands appreciating every micro-inch of her body with gentle caresses and fondling until he rolls her back under him and quickens the pace, causing her to gasp for breath and moan in pleasure. As he continues, submitting to her cries for him to go faster and harsher, both of them emit sounds that seem unearthly, more heavenly than anything as both of them reach their peak of pleasure. Tony slows a bit before coming to a stop, allowing Ella roll him onto his back and lay on top of him. Florence Welch’s voice fades out from the stereo before another of Ella’s favorite songs picks up, “If My Heart Was a House” by Owl City.

“I’m home a million times over…” Ella murmurs, letting her eyes close as Tony wraps his arms around her and kisses her forehead.

“Don’t think I could’ve said it better myself…” Tony agrees in a quiet voice as he pulls a blanket over the both of them.

Before either can truly revel in the post-sex aura they’ve created for themselves, Tony’s phone sounds from the living room- it’s the ring tone that only goes off for something urgent. Tony groans, hauling himself out of bed and pulling his boxers on. He goes out to the living room to see that it’s S.H.I.E.L.D. calling- most likely to scold him for taking Ella out of the hospital. Tony answers as he sees Ella tip-toeing out to the living room, noticing she slipped on a pair of panties and a white baby-doll nightgown.

“What could possibly be so important?” Tony demands.

“Where’s Agent Claucher?” Nick Fury interrogates.

“Really?” Tony questions, incredulous at the stupid question he’s asked. “You know she’s with me.”

“Yes, but you’re not home or at the Tower. Where are you?” Nick presses, ignoring Tony’s sass.

“We’re at home.” Tony answers simply.

“Agent Claucher-” Nick starts, only to be interrupted by Tony.

“Her name is Ella.”

“Doesn’t have a home address.” He continues, an edge of frustration to his voice.

“Actually, she does and we’re not telling, Hee hee hee!” Tony responds with fake giggle, just to annoy the Director.

“She needs to report to S.H.I.E.L.D. immediately and you’re to deliver her since you won’t give us the address to pick her up ourselves.” Nick instructs, hanging up before Tony can say anything else.

“Good talk.” Tony notes sarcastically, tossing his phone back on the couch as he wraps his arms around Ella.

“Let me guess, Fury’s furious because he can’t find me?” Ella tries, resting her chin on his chest, just above the arc reactor as he looks down at her.

“Something like that.” Tony answers, kissing her.

“Tony, what did he want?” Ella pushes, though she is happy about the kiss and more than satisfied.

“He asked me to bring you in. He didn’t say why because he hung up like an ass.” Tony sighs, tucking her hair behind her ear and brushing her bangs away from her eyes.

“Let’s go get dressed.” Ella sighs, detaching herself as she grumbles, “I knew I wouldn’t get out of the hospital without pissing him off.”

“No one does anything without pissing Fury off, it’s in his name.” Tony adds flatly as they go back to the bedroom.

Ella turns the stereo off and changes back into the clothes she had on earlier, not bothering to do anything with her hair other than situate her favorite silver bow topped headband back on while Tony puts his purple dress shirt, black trousers, socks and shoes on. He puts his earpiece back in as well. Tony takes Ella’s hand and leads her to the leaving room, where he grabs his phone and dials his chauffer. The two walk out to the sidewalk and Happy ushers them into the car before taking off- knowing Tony won’t buckle his seat belt and not wasting time to find out who his female friend is or why they were at an apartment complex.

“Hi Happy.” Ella greets, smirking at him in the rearview mirror. “To answer your questions, I’m Ella Dean Claucher. I am one of Tony’s best friends and now his girlfriend, as well as his former babysitter. That apartment you just picked us up from is where Tony and I used to live while we were in college together.”

“That’s not very nice, Ella-bean.” Tony comments, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Reading civilians’ minds is an invasion of privacy.”

Before Happy can speak his next question, Ella answers it.

“I’m the reason we’re going to S.H.I.E.L.D., Happy. They made me a super human freak, hence the violet eyes.” Ella explains, leaning forward and looking directly in the rearview mirror so he can see her unique irises before settling back against Tony.

“She’s quite the catch, Tony.” Happy comments, sounding a bit anxious.

“I take it back, this is hilarious.” Tony retracts, kissing Ella’s forehead with a wicked grin.

“I knew you would like it.” Ella beams, kissing his cheek before she rests her head on his shoulder.

After about ten more minutes, they arrive at a discreet looking cement building. Happy opens the passenger door for them, Tony getting out and offering his hand to Ella, who takes it and slides out, the two hooking arms as the enter the building and go through security. They’re ushered to Nick Fury’s office, where the Director is sitting in his huge office chair, glaring at them as they enter.

“Agent Claucher, why aren’t you in the hospital?” Fury questions, settling his functioning eye on her- his glare is no less intimidating despite having the other eye out of sorts and covered by a black eye patch.

“Because I can heal myself and Tony agreed to take me home.” Ella answers coolly, her arm still hooked around Tony’s.

“You’re healing capability is unstable thanks to your neglect and tendency to skip meals which leaves you with insufficient energy stores to use that particular skill.” Fury points out. “And just because Stark agrees to do anything for you, doesn’t give you a pass to evade me.”

“Whatever you say, Director.” Ella submits, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

“Drop the sarcasm and you’re damn straight.” Fury responds.

“I’m sorry, Director, but why the hell am I _here_ on my first night back in New York?” Ella pushes, losing her patience.

Before he can answer, she proceeds to read his mind and gasps in surprise that they had already made that kind of progress.

“Reading the minds of your superiors is going to get you into trouble, Agent Claucher.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, so is he really awake?” Ella asks, blowing him off.

“He is and I can assure you, he’s curious to meet the woman who managed to scream so loud that he heard it through all the ice.” Fury answers, pressing a button on his phone. “Agent Coulson, please escort Agent Claucher and Stark to see Rogers.”

Within a couple minutes, Agent Phil Coulson enters.

“Also, Agent Claucher, you’re being awarded by both S.H.I.E.L.D. and the President. The ceremony is next weekend, if you two lovebirds can stand to stay out of each other’s grasp.” Fury adds, before nodding to Agent Coulson.

“Beautiful, super freak, great in bed, and now donning major awards. I am kicking ass.” Tony comments, with a fist pump as Ella lightly punches him in the shoulder.

“Tony! Shut up!” Ella playfully scolds, unable to believe he just announced that they’d had sex.

It’s a good thing Phil isn’t a fan of gossiping or she’d really be screwed- and not in the fun way like earlier.

“Rogers is in your quarters for the time being, Ella.” Phil explains as he stops next to the door with her last name on it and opening it for them.

Tony freezes in place, Ella dragging him in the room while Phil closes the door behind them.

“Hi, Mr. Rogers.” Ella greets, extending her hand.

Steve stands up from the edge of the bed where’d been sitting and looks her over, grinning as a spark of recognition alights in his eyes.

“Hi, Ella!” Steve responds, gathering her in a hug before turning to Tony with tears in his eyes. “Hey, bug… Though I guess you’re a bit old for that now…”

Tony stares back for a moment before he quickly ducks out of the room. Ella looks to Phil, who follows him and then back to Steve with a sigh as the door closes.

“I thought he’d be happy to see you…” Ella admits, rising levels of misery in her voice as her eyes start to water.

“I didn’t exactly give him much time to process that we wouldn’t see each other for years on end…” Steve points out with a frown as he rubs her back. “On a different note, you look, well, different!”

“Yeah, it’s this new thing called Aunt Peggy put me up as a lab rat for S.H.I.E.L.D., but I still love her, I’ll just probably never forgive her.” Ella explains, with a huff.

“I never thought Peggy would do such a thing.” Steve comments with a frown.

“Though I admit that the violet hair is my doing. The eyes, I wish, but that’s one of the side effects of all the crap they injected me with. On the bright side, I’ll pretty much never visibly age thanks to the last round of shots.” Ella qualifies with a smirk. “Unfortunately, I already know what you’ve been doing all these years…”

“Not much else to do when you’re a Popsicle.” Steve chuckles, though it sounds forced.

“Fury said you heard me scream…” Ella laughs uncomfortably.

“I did, actually. It was kind of a relief because that meant someone was near me and hopefully would find me.” Steve confirms with a genuine laugh.

“Steve, I saw you in this weird dream I had… You had asked me to find you and that’s how I knew to look for the jet and where to look… Do you think...” Ella wonders, struggling with what she’s trying to ask. “Do you think there’s any chance that I might have actually been able to hear your mind all the way down there while I was here, at the agency?”

“Maybe, but I’m not sure… It’s hard to say what is and isn’t possible. When they told me all the things they designed you to be able to do, I could hardly believe it. I figured they could probably give you strength and the whole healing yourself deal, but reading minds, seeing energies of everything around you… It sounded like people were finally losing it.” Steve replies with a shrug.

“Okay, well I wanna try something…” Ella says, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as she pulls out her ‘energy map.’

As she looks at Steve’s outline, she sees him displayed in the same pale pink as in her strange dream world. A bit startled at her realization, she gasps and opens her eyes, though she only sees black before she starts to fall. In the room next Ella’s old quarters, Phil and Tony are watching the cameras for the room before Tony tears out of the room, just barely making it into Ella’s to catch her and sweep her up into his arms before he leaves the room. He finds the Agent Lounge and lays her down on one of the leather couches with her head in his lap. Soon after, Phil and Steve come in, the former clearing the few agents that are also in there out of the room.

“What happened?” Tony interrogates, not looking up from her blank, freckled face with a harsh edge to his voice.

“I don’t know. She said she wanted to try something, then she gasped and started to fall.” Steve answers, sounding genuinely confused.

“Why didn’t you try to catch her then?” Tony demands through gritted teeth, looking up to glare at his former guardian and hero.

“I don’t know, I didn’t process what was happening right away.”

“Tony, how long has this been going on?” Phil questions, realizing it’s not the first time she’s abruptly passed out.

“Ever since you idiots started poisoning her.” Tony snaps, turning his head to glare at the agent.

“Why didn’t you ever mention it?” Phil presses, knowing he could have told them since he had been working to make weapons for the agency.

“Why didn’t any of you ever notice? They’re completely random!” Tony argues, the outrage clear in his voice. “If it weren’t for me, she would’ve drowned in the bathtub over 20 years ago and you wouldn’t even have her anymore.”

“Neither would you.” Phil points out callously.

“Let’s just settle down.” Steve insists, the tension practically tangible. “It sounds like mistakes were made all around.”

“Especially on your part.” Tony accuses, turning back to Steve. “If you hadn’t gone off to be all noble and shit, she wouldn’t have had to go through all those injections and she sure as hell wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital!”

“Tony, I didn’t ask for anyone to come find me. I never meant for anybody to get hurt trying to find me.” Steve defends, clearly hurt by Tony’s accusations.

“Whatever, just leave us alone. Both of you, just go.” Tony responds as Ella starts to come to.

Sensing the severity of Tony’s anger, Phil ushers Steve out of them. Ella’s eyes flutter open to see Tony smiling softly at her from above.

“I blacked out again, didn’t I?” Ella guesses with a guilty smile.

“I’ve never seen someone fall asleep standing up before, so it was quite incredible.” Tony teases, brushing her bangs away from her eyes. “What happened this time?”

“I had this strange dream years ago. I dreamt in what I can only describe as a unique infrared mapping and Steve called to me to find him and suddenly I was surrounded by a different scenery and I saw his outline- he’s a pale pink on my energy map! Anyway, I had wanted to see if he really was a pale like in that weird dream and I guess finding out that it was true was a bit more than I could handle after smacking my head on the ice.” Ella explains as she sits up and faces Tony.

Tony looks contemplative for a second before he looks down at their entwining hands.

“We’re not going anywhere near Steve for a while… Unless we absolutely have to.” Tony declares, looking back up at her face for a reaction.

“Why…” Ella questions, searching his eyes as her brow scrunches in confusion. “I thought you’d be happy to have him back… I mean, after all those nights that you spent crying and trying to pretend that I was him when you were wasted… I thought you’d want to reconnect…”

“I appreciate all that you did to make this happen, but while you were away and he was frozen, I moved on.” Tony tells her.

She visibly droops as she takes this in. Before he can stop her, she pulls away and dashes out of the room. Ella runs straight toward the room that S.H.I.E.L.D. had created from her after they gave her telekinesis- one that’s void of any objects except for her stress pillow, which has a picture of her father and younger brother on one side and Tony on the other. Her dash to the safe room doesn’t go unnoticed, one of the most deadly female agents contracted with S.H.I.E.L.D. sees the whole thing, cautiously entering after Ella before the door slams. Upon entering, the agent starts levitating around Ella as the woman collapses to her knees.

“I would love to be back on the floor.” The other agent says as she levitates upside down in front of a startled Ella, who focuses on letting the other woman down gently. “Thanks, I was afraid you might drop me.”

Suddenly, Ella’s stress pillow drops onto the other woman’s head and Ella looks mortified.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Natasha!” Ella apologizes to the agent known as Black Widow. “I didn’t realize anyone came in with me…”

Natasha simply laughs it off and then gives Ella a look that says ‘really?’ as she holds the pillow up with the side that has Tony’s picture facing toward the agent known as the Violet Wallflower.

“Come on, Stark? Really?” Natasha questions, chucking the pillow at Ella, who blushes but laughs as well.

“Yes, really. I’ve known him for the majority of my life. If it weren’t for him, you’d be reading an obituary in my file about how I tragically died from blacking out and drowning in the bathtub at age 19. Not to mention ingesting violet hair dye in the process.” Ella defends, gazing affectionately at the picture of Tony as she caresses the pillow with her hand.

“Then why are you here when I know he’s searching the entire agency for you? Unsuccessfully, I might add, since Phil refuses to tell him about your safe room.” Natasha poses, noticing the questioning look on her face. “What? I could hear the playboy yelling from the Lounge. I’m sure everyone’s heard him by now.”

“Fair enough.” Ella agrees, sighing. “I found Captain America, who was really close to Tony when he was just a little guy and he wants nothing to do with Steve Rogers. I’m just so confused. He asked me out earlier in the day and then he just told me that he had moved on while Steve was frozen and I was looking for him…”

“Oh, Ella, Tony is notorious for lying and not telling people things. Surely, you know that by now.” Natasha points out.

“It was just so confusing and I knew that things would start flying if I stayed there, so I came here to try and sort things out…” Ella tells her, looking a bit lost.

“Why don’t you just tie him a chair and torment him until he starts speaking plainly?” Natasha suggests with a devious smile.

“I’d have to cover everything from the neck down to torment him- and none of it can be form fitting. I’d roast before I got answers.” Ella laughs as the door is ripped open and she turns to see Tony snapping at Phil.

“And that’s my cue to run.” Natasha says in a quiet voice as she gets up and leaves- ignoring Tony as they pass each other.

“Ella, are you okay?” Tony asks, looking her over until he notices the pillow with his picture on it in her lap. “Is that my face on a pillow?”

Ella feels her face burn and she knows she’s crimson in the face.

“Yes…” She mumbles, embarrassed. “It’s my stress pillow.”

“Please tell me you hug that.” Tony prompts, kneeling in front of her. “I don’t think I’d like to be punched anymore, no matter what form.”

“Depends on how I feel when I get in here… Sometimes it goes flying around the room and other times it’s hugged to my chest.” Ella admits, clutching it to her chest, which is when Tony notices the picture on the other side.

“Who are they?”

“That’s my dad and my little brother.” Ella answers quietly. “They both passed away a long time ago…”

Tony feels awful since it must be painful for her to talk about since her brother looks pretty young in the picture on the pillow- hell, even her dad looks too young to have passed away already.

“Tony, what did you mean when you said you’ve moved on?” Ella asks, looking up at him.

She’s gotten so used to let Tony have his head to himself that it actually takes extra effort to intrude on his thoughts, not that it’s easy to get just one thought once she’s in. His head is like a twister engulfed in a hurricane thrown about by an earthquake that rears up into a tsunami.

“How about we grab dinner and head back to my place first?” Tony suggests, looking determined to not speak of it until his terms are met.

“Fine, but we’re getting Italian because I haven’t had it in forever.” Ella qualifies, setting her pillow off to the side.

As they both stand, Ella finds herself swept off her feet for the second time. She gasps and then giggles as she wraps her arms around his neck while he smirks, carrying her straight out the front door and ignoring everyone other than her. Ella can’t help but feel like a princess as Tony doesn’t even make her get down from his arms to get in the car. He simply slides in with her still in his arms- making sure his spatial awareness is accurate so that he doesn’t accidentally make her hit her head or get her ankle slammed in the car door. There’s a bit of a drive to Tony’s favorite pizza place, but Ella doesn’t mind. She takes in his scent- the smell of an auto shop mingled with a warm and sweet but rugged cologne that reminds Ella of the rainforest- while she leans into him, caressing his cheek with her finger tips as he gently presses his forehead to hers and watches her eyes sparkling in the city lights outside the car.

Dinner seems to go fast, but pleasantly as they reflect on all the times they celebrated passing exams and surviving semesters at MIT by going to this very pizza place each time. Finally, after a bit more of a lengthy of a drive, they arrive Tony’s not so humble home. Tony escorts her inside and gives her a quick tour of the place- negating the workshop for the night since she’d like panic at seeing just how many Iron Man suits he has- before leading her to the bedroom where there’s already a simple nightgown laid out on the bed for her.

“You’ve been really busy since I’ve been gone.” Ella comments, looking around the simple, modern bedroom before inspecting the nightgown, it’s teal and looks to be lined around the breast area and flows out from a seam around the under-bust.

“I have but now I can take care of you for a change.” Tony notes, resting his chin on her right shoulder while his arms wind around her tiny waste.

“You don’t have to. S.H.I.E.L.D. pays really well.” Ella insists in a quiet voice.

“But I want to and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Tony says, kissing her cheek before he releases her.

“You spoil me.” Ella teasingly accuses.

“Only if you count having Happy slip into the apartment to find out your sizes and then take Pepper along on a shopping trip to buy you an entire wardrobe that’s split up between here and Stark Tower as spoiling you, in addition to a bunch of other things I’m not telling you about.”

“Tony!” Ella playfully protests as she tosses the nightgown at him.

“I take it you want help getting ready for bed?” Tony responds, ignoring her mock protest and slipping her dress off of her before she can answer.

He unhooks her bra and slips the nightgown over her head with a satisfied smile.

“What I want is the answer to what you meant when you said you had moved on.” Ella insists, sitting down on the edge of bed as Tony sighs.

“There’s no getting out of this, is there?’

“Not a chance. Not even in all eternity.” Ella reassures him.

“I thought I’d be happy to have him back, but I’m not actually sure how I feel now that he’s back. Part of me is pissed that he just took off and played the martyred hero, another part is thrilled, some small part is nervous because it’s been so long and it’s just a mess, not that being a mess is anything new for me.” Tony answers with a brief, grim smile.

“I can appreciate that.” Ella responds. “So… you and I are… still a thing?”

“Is that why you were trying to figure out what I meant?” Tony asks, looking surprised with the conclusion that she drew earlier.

“Partly…” Ella confesses with another guilty smile.

“Of course we are, Ella.” Tony assures her, slipping into the closet and coming back out in a tank top and his boxers.

“Prove it.” Ella pushes with a mischievous smile.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., play Ella-bean’s mix and dim the lights for me.” Tony informs his interface.

“Certainly, sir.” J.A.R.V.I.S. responds as the lights dim and Weezer’s “Da Vinci” starts playing while Tony climbs on the bed and straddles Ella.

Three songs later, the whole thing is over as they lay under the sheets and puffy comforter- both panting and grinning. Ella rolls onto her side and rests her head on his shoulder as he wraps an arm around her. The next song starts and Ella smiles brightly up at Tony as she recognizes one of her all-time favorite songs- next to “Never Let Me Go” which was playing during their first time- which is “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran, which, hilariously, was the song playing in the store the photo booth was in when Tony and Ella shared their first kiss.

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for beautiful and smart violet-haired freaks.” Tony says in response the look on her face.

“I’m the only one you know.” Ella points out.

“Exactly.” Tony murmurs, kissing her deeply.

“ _There was a girl named Annie She had a very pretty face And not the way you would think so Let me see if I can try to explain it She had a smile, it could light up a room And if she moved, it’d be movin’ in you But she wasn’t like a magazine She was just plain Jane and her name was Annie_

_She never looked in the mirror She never liked what she would see And even if I tried to tell her She never listened to a word Id say She always wanted what she never had But never had what she needed so badly Someone tellin’ her she was fine And that’s not right and its why I’m sayin’ Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, don’t just lie there Looks don’t make the world go 'round But it comes around And Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, please don’t cry here I always have to stop myself Cause you’re beautiful_

_I didn’t know if I could tell her I didn’t know if I could make her see She didn’t need to find her beauty She didn’t need to find a way to show me They took her moments of feelin’ alive And made them moments of dyin’ inside She needed someone to scream her name To take her pain and its why I screamin’ Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, don’t just lie there Looks don’t make the world go 'round But it comes around And Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, please don’t cry here I always have to stop myself Cause you’re beautiful_

_And Annie, you are the one sight My eyes never tire of Its like I cannot get enough of you Annie, you are the one song left in my symphony Like you were made for me Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, don’t just lie there Looks don’t make the world go 'round But it comes around And Annie, don’t be shy here Annie, please don’t cry here I always have to stop myself Cause you’re beautiful… There was a girl named Annie She had a very pretty face” –_ SafetySuit, “Annie”


	8. Nausea and Publicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday and Ella has two award ceremonies to attend, though her mood may get the best of her after J.A.R.V.I.S. tells her a diagnosis for her symptoms she's not sure she wants. Meanwhile, Tony is the major victim of all Ella's moods.

“ _She's like cold coffee in the morning I'm drunk off last night's whiskey and coke She'll make me shiver without warning And make me laugh as if I'm in on the joke And you can stay with me forever Or you could stay with me for now Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand To help you fall asleep tonight Tell me if I know, tell me if I do Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to_

_I'll wake with coffee in the morning But she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea Outside the day is up and calling But I don't have to be so, please go back to sleep Stay with me forever Or you could stay with me for now Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand To help you fall asleep tonight Tell me if I know, tell me if I do Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to 'Cause I love the way you wake me up For goodness sake will my love not be enough?_

_Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand To help you fall asleep tonight Tell me if I know, tell me if I do Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right Tell me if you need a loving hand To help you fall asleep tonight” ­_ –Ed Sheeran, “Cold Coffee”

It’s been over a week since Ella came back to New York. She’s been staying with Tony and much to her (affectionate) irritation Tony has moved her things into the Tower, where he stays the most often, and ended the lease for their quaint little apartment. To Tony’s credit, he renovated an entire floor of the tower to look like a modernized replica of their old apartment.

Today is Saturday, the last weekend of June. As the curtains open by themselves, filtering in bright and ecstatic sunbeams, both Tony and Ella are passed out and spooning in bed despite it being after ten in the morning. Ella groans and rolls over to bury her face in Tony’s shoulder while he covers his face with a pillow and wraps an arm around her.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., why are you punishing us?” Tony groans.

“My apologies, Sir, but if you recall, Madam has two ceremonies to attend. The first commences at 11 a.m. at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters in New York City and the second at 6 p.m. at the White House in Washington, D.C., which will be televised for the public’s viewing pleasures.” The interface informs him. “I used my database to devise the most efficient method of waking you to insure that Madam doesn’t miss the ceremonies which she has urged me to remind you that you agreed to attend by her side.”

“You’re preemptively torturing me, Ell.” Tony accuses as he kisses her bare, freckled shoulder and gets out of bed.

“You think you’re being tortured?” Ella questions, finally getting up now that her sun shield has moved. “I’m going to be swarmed all day and I feel like shit.”

“Pardon me, Madam, but do you have any particular symptoms?” J.A.R.V.I.S. inquires.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up, I’m bloated, and quite frankly backed up.” Ella answers, climbing out of bed while Tony gets dressed in a black suit with a teal dress shirt, violet tie, and silver cumber band.

“I am searching your symptoms now and looking for the most likely causation.” J.A.R.V.I.S. informs her.

“Thanks, Jarvis.” Ella says, slipping into the bathroom and taking a quick shower.

As she wraps herself in a ruby colored towel, she feels her stomach act up.

“Madam, I have come to a conclusion that I believe is best to share with you before you rejoin Sir in the bedroom.” J.A.R.V.I.S. alerts her.

“I don’t have cancer or anything, do I, J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Ella asks warily, frowning at her stomach’s churning as she quickly brushes her teeth and rinses her mouth out before replacing her toothbrush.

“No, Madam, but most of the resources I have consulted suggest that you may be pregnant.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Ella moans, running her hands through her hair.

“I’m afraid I am not kidding you, Madam, especially since I don’t believe I have the programming to kid.”

“Okay, well, it looks like I’m going to be summoning Bruce tomorrow.” Ella sighs, knowing her colleague will be able to help her determine if Tony’s interface is right and keep his mouth shut.

“Would you like me to send a summons to Master Banner tomorrow?” J.A.R.V.I.S. asks.

“Yes, please.” Ella agrees. “Not a word to Tony or I will hack into your system and make your existence a complete nightmare.”

“Understood, Madam.”

With that, Ella exits the bathroom to find her S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform lying next to a teal ball gown with a pair of silver heels and a bunch of teal and silver accessories.

“Tony!” Ella groans, looking over the ridiculous spread as a couple hairstylists plop her down into one of the low backed arm chairs near the window and start mercilessly styling her hair. “Why do you do this to me?!”

“Is it a crime to want to show you off at your sexiest?” Tony asks, sipping at a ridiculously large mug of coffee with the words ‘like a boss’ printed on the side in all capital letters.

“Yes, because this is torture.” Ella answers, pouting up at him as Happy enters with a tea cup of her favorite pomegranate tea with just a bit of sweetener. “At least Happy’s trying to make this day more tolerable.”

“So what did J.A.R.V.I.S. diagnose you with?” Tony asks, ignoring her subtle judgment.

“He doesn’t really know yet. It’s possible I’m just sick with the flu or something.” Ella dismisses, drinking her tea so she won’t have to answer any further.

“Very nice, ladies.” Tony compliments.

As the hair stylists finish, he snaps a photo of the back of her head with his phone and shows it to her.

“It’s a flower with a bunch of teal and silver studded bobby pins.” She notes, completely unimpressed and rather sick of how people keep referencing her as her S.H.I.E.L.D. title- the Violet Wallflower.

“I think it suits you.” Tony says, kissing her cheek and turning his attention to his chiming phone as he takes another drink of his coffee.

“You and everyone else in the world.” Ella gripes, downing the rest of her tea before handing the cup back to Happy. “Thanks, Happy.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Ella.” Happy replies, taking his leave to run the cup downstairs.

Ella huffs as she stands up, getting mobbed by a different set of stylists who start putting her accessories on for her. First, a matching choker, earring, bracelet and tiara set utilizing diamonds and teal topaz. They step aside for a moment, allowing her to put on a pair of seamless teal panties with a matching t-shirt bra and then step into her specially made bodysuit- not that different from Natasha’s- though her suit for public appearances, much to her annoyance, is teal. Now, anyone who knows Ella would never even mention the color teal because, though it is her best color, it is also the one she hates the most. Before she can get her boots on, the group of women drag her back to the white arm chair. One woman sets to work on filing and painting her fingernails- thankfully silver, one starts doing the same with her toe nails- though this time violet like her hair and eyes, and the third starts on her makeup, starting to pull out a bottle of concealer before Tony speaks up.

“Put concealer on her and I’ll ruin you.” Tony threatens without looking up from the reply he’s typing on his phone.

The third woman, who is doing Ella's makeup and looks noticeably younger than the other two, quickly tosses the concealer back in her make up bag and pulls out an eye shadow palette.

“If you put one more speck of teal on me, I will throw you out of that window without lifting a finger.” Ella warns, staring the woman down as her brush goes towards the teal eye shadow.

The woman seems to take her threat to heart, putting the teal palette aside and starting with a black eye liner instead. She then applies a silver eye shadow up to Ella’s brow bone and puts a shimmery pale pink lip gloss on Ella’s lips. As the three women step back, Ella sighs with relief. Tony comes over, about to kiss her when the oldest of the three women clears her throat.

“No kissing, you’ll ruin her lip gloss.” The woman warns, she’s a brunette with a southern accent.

Tony gives her an unamused look before she gestures to her associates that they’re departing. As the other two start to walk away, Ella’s makeup artist slips over to her with a silver clutch in her hand that she gives to her.

“I slipped the lip gloss and some other touch-up necessities in there.” The young woman whispers with a wink before gathering up her two small bags and rushing after the other two.

“You better kiss me.” Ella tells him, looking as though she’s ready to murder someone as Happy hands her the strappy silver high heels to slip on. “I fucking hate these things. You’re carrying me if I break my ankle, Tony.”

Tony chuckles and kisses her, putting the strappy heels on her feet.

“What is it with you and everybody obsessing over putting me in teal everything?” Ella complains, standing up and making a face. “And trying to keep me from being on solid ground…”

“It’s because you look beautiful.” Tony answers simply. “Look, I’m showing my support and wearing your colors.”

“Yes, but you don’t have to wear them anytime something important happens.” Ella challenges, taking a few steps before tripping over her own heel and face-planting the floor before Tony can catch her.

“Need some help?” Tony asks, cringing a bit and watching as she gets up with a huff and glares at him.

“I hate people.” Ella declares.

Within an hour, the two are speeding off to S.H.I.E.L.D. and dangerously close to being late. By some stroke of luck, they arrive just in time to take their seats between Phil and Director Fury, who immediately gets up and starts the speech while Tony is absorbed in the little project on his phone. Ella zones out a bit, reading random people’s minds to entertain herself, finding that a disturbing number of them have figured out that the two have been screwing each other.

“Agent Ella Dean Claucher, please approach the podium and receive your award.” Nick Fury announces turning towards her general direction as she gets up.

Just as Ella thinks she’s going to get away with crossing over to him without any calamities occurring, Ella's heel catches on a metal strip running along the stage floor and face plants for the second time in one day. She quickly picks herself back up, dusts herself off, and shakes hands with the Director before he pins a small medal to a pocket above her left breast.

“Don’t wear heels to anymore award ceremonies, Agent Claucher.” Director Fury advises in a quiet voice before shaking her hand once more and putting arm around her shoulder as both smile for the hired photographers.

“Trust me, I’m burning them after tonight.” Ella assures him in a quiet voice with a fake smile plastered on her face as they continue to pose for a couple more pictures. “And if Tony buys me any more pairs or tries to force me to wear them, he’ll find himself swimming home without any help from his precious suits.”

“Good plan.” Fury commends as they break apart and everyone starts filing out of the auditorium.

“I try.” Ella replies as Tony offers her his arm.

“What’s a good plan?” Tony questions as the two head towards the nearest exit, both sporting their best fake smiles as they pass other people.

“Throwing you in the ocean if you give or make me wear any more pairs of high heels.” Ella answers, digging her manicured nails- which look somewhat like tiny daggers now that they’re painted silver- into his arm for a minute.

“Message received.” Tony assures her, wincing from the pain as they get to the car and climb in.

“Good because I really don’t want to have to throw you in the ocean, which is better than what I’m going to do to these heels.” Ella responds, propping her feet up on his lap and leaning against the car door.

“What are you planning to do to them?”

“I’m going to set them ablaze and roast marshmallows to make s’mores.” Ella announces, grinning at Happy in the rear view mirror as he chuckles.

“That’s a bit harsh.” Tony comments. “What did the shoes ever do to you?”

“Well, you probably missed it while you were working through the ceremony, but they made me fall on my face in front of the entire agency.” Ella recaps. “But what they could do to you if I shift positions is much worse.”

“You’re right, let’s burn them together.” Tony suggests, holding her feet in place so they can’t mangle his manhood.

“I knew you’d see it my way.” Ella smiles.

“ _You're like a party somebody threw me You taste like birthday You look like New Year’s You're like a big parade through town You leave such a mess but you're so fun Tell all the neighbors to start knocking down walls To grab their guitars and run out to the hall And we're coming out right along to sing them my new song… For every road we can retrace For every memory we can't face For every name that's been erased Let's have another round May I propose a little toast? For all the ones who hurt the most For all the friends that we have lost”_ –Regina Spektor, “The Party”

The ceremony at the White House proceeded without any setbacks or face-plants. The only problem that Ella now faces is the dinner and ball being held in her honor, much to her horror. Suddenly, the ridiculous teal ball gown makes a lot more sense as she stares it down. Before she starts to strip out of her bodysuit, she’s startled by Tony coming into the enormous bathroom.

“Geez, Tony! You scared the life out of me!” Ella scolds, exhaling dramatically as he pulls the gown out of the garment bag.

“I don’t know, you look pretty full of life to me.” Tony comments, holding the dress for her. “Strip.”

Ella scowls at him but does as he asks. She peels the strappy heels off and slips out of the bodysuit, tossing it onto the marble counter as Tony unties the back of the gown and holds it for her. She sheds her bra and steps into the dress, holding it in place while Tony pulls at the ribbon of the corset-style backing until it’s as tight as it will go. Ella frowns at her reflection as she notices her small breasts barely fill the formed corset top.

“What’s with the frown, beautiful?” Tony asks, kissing her cheek and looking at her reflection with her.

“My breasts barely fill the damn thing…” Ella gripes, squeaking as Tony turns her around, lifts her, and sets her on the counter next to the sink.

“I like them how they are.” Tony insists, slipping her heels back on her feet like he did when she first put them on in the late morning.

“Yeah, well, you’re not me.” Ella responds with a sigh as he helps her off the counter. “Why can’t I just wear flats like most of the other women here?”

“Because you’re not them.” Tony answers simply as he puts her bodysuit in the garment bag and offers his arm to her.

“Fine, point taken.” Ella sighs, stiffening as her stomach roils and her jaw locks in an open position.

She darts towards the toilet and, barely making it there, hurls into the cool porcelain bowl. Ella groans a bit and wipes her mouth on a wad of toilet paper before discarding it in the toilet and flushing. She goes to the sink, ducking her head under the faucet, rinsing her mouth, and spitting.

“Gross.” Ella mutters, grabbing her little silver clutch, pulling out the lip gloss and reapplying it.

“Ell, are you okay?” Tony presses, surprised that she’s not making a big deal out of having just thrown up.

“I’m fan-fucking-tastic. Let’s go mingle.” Ella responds, hooking arms with him and dragging him towards the door as she grumbles, “Maybe I’ll vomit on the Secretary of Defense and we can go home.”

“Ella, if you’re sick, we can just go.” Tony insists, dreading the possibility of being known as the boyfriend of the American hero who threw up on the Secretary of Defense.

“Nope, I actually feel better now, so let’s get this over with.” Ella argues, plastering a fake smile on her face as he finally starts walking without her dragging him.

The rest of the evening seems to go just fine and Ella doesn’t end up vomiting on anyone-thankfully. As they board Tony’s private plane, he surprises her one more time. He opens the door at the very back to reveal a lavish bedroom, decorated in Ella’s favorite color, red. On the bed is a red baby-doll nightgown with gold detailing and her favorite choker.

“This makes up some of your bullshit with all those stylists and this stupid dress and _ridiculous_ heels!” Ella enthuses, pulling off the heels and chucking them out of the bedroom before Tony closes the door.

“So does this mean I get thank you sex?” Tony tries, helping her shed the dress.

“Strip for me and if I like it, we’ll have sex.” Ella qualifies, lounging on the bed in only her teal panties and the numerous pieces of jewelry. “J.A.R.V.I.S., my sexy mix please.”

“Yes, Madam. Playing it now.” J.A.R.V.I.S. responds before playing the requested playlist consisting of Arctic Monkeys’ “Do I Wanna Know?”, Pierce the Veil’s “Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides”, Theory of a Deadman’s “Bad Girlfriend”, and many others.

Tony shakes his head and smirks, but goes along with it. He starts stripping with to the beat of the Arctic Monkeys’ “Do I Wanna Know?” He tosses the jacket off to the side, then the cumber band, the tie, his shoes and socks, and finally starts unbuttoning his shirt. He quickly discards his trousers and climbs on top of her, trailing kisses up her body.

“You never worked in a strip club under fake name while I was gone, right?” Ella teases as they discard each other’s underwear on the floor.

“I think you would’ve known about it by now if I had.” Tony answers, not the least bit distracted.

Ella moans and climbs on top of him, the dangling jewels from her choker teasing his chest as she rides him while Pierce the Veil blares out of the speakers. The two continue on like that for a half hour before Ella is about to black out. The two pant as they lie under the sheets in their now routine position where Ella lays on her side with her head on Tony’s shoulder while her wraps and arm around her.

“The sex never stops getting better.” Ella pants with a delirious grin on her face. “What kind of women did you screw while I was gone?”

“All sorts of exotic beauties that are very inventive and flexible, though none of them can compete with you.” Tony answers.

“You’re just saying that because I could totally torture you.” Ella teasingly accuses.

“Actually, I mean that. I waited like thirty years just to fuck your brains out.” Tony argues, gliding his index finger from one freckle to the next on her bare shoulder as if he were playing connect-the-dots.

“I will say, I am impressed that you didn’t give up after all those years.” Ella allows, lightly running her finger around the edge of the arc reactor.

“Well, I am shooting for the world record in widest variety of women fucked in one lifetime.” Tony jokes, earning him a light punch to the hip.

“What if I made you go all domestic?” Ella poses, trying to keep herself neutral, though it’s a bit of trick question since she might be pregnant.

“I would loathe it with every fiber of my being.” Tony teases, laughing at the look on her face.

“Seriously, what if we got married and shit?” Ella pushes, getting a bit anxious to hear his actual thoughts on the matter.

“Honestly?” Tony sighs, pausing as he thinks over the question. “I’ve never been partial to marriage, but I’m pretty attached my Violet Hurricane so I think I’d be fine with it. I’m not sure past that though.”

“I can just see you going insane because there’s some hot chic that you wanna screw but you know you can’t because we got married and you know I’d kick your ass.” Ella laughs.

“What about you? Isn’t Devin still pining after you?”

“As always. I’ve thought about it before and I kinda wish I had given him a chance, but I think I’m way luckier to be dating my best friend.” Ella admits, gasping as she makes a connection. “J.A.R.V.I.S.! Play that one song… Oh, shit, what was it called… Lucky! Play Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.”

“Certainly, Madam. Queueing it up right now.” J.A.R.V.I.S. responds.

“You’re such a cheese ball, Ella-bean.” Tony teasingly accuses, playing with a loose section of her hair as the song starts.

“I know and I’m damn proud of it.” Ella smiles triumphantly, closing her eyes with a content sight.

“ _Do you hear me, I’m talking to you across the water across the deep blue ocean Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying Boy I hear you in my Dreams I feel your whisper across the sea I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again… They don’t know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I’ll wait for you I promise you I will… And so I’m sailing through the sea To an island where we’ll meet You’ll hear the music fill the air I’ll put a flower in your hair Though the breezes, though the trees Move so pretty you’re all I see As the world keeps spinning round You hold me right here right now I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again I’m lucky we’re in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday…”_ –Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillat, “Lucky”

I did a quick sketch of Ella so you all can see what she looks like.


	9. Banner and Rogers With a Little Bit of Pepper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella confirms she's pregnant, but according to Bruce, that's not all. Steve complicates things even further and Tony is losing his shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a fun Finding Nemo reference in this chapter. Feel free to comment, I love feedback- unless you're an ass about it and then I'll just ignore you.

“ _She's got a baby inside And holds her belly tight, all through the night Just so she knows, she's sleeping sound Safely to keep her growing And oh, when she'll open her eyes There will be no surprise That she'll grow to be so beautifully Just like her mother, that's carrying Oh Capri, she's a beauty Baby inside and she loving Oh Capri, she's a beauty There is an angel growing peacefully Oh Capri, sweet baby…”_ –Colbie Caillat, “Capri”

Ella wakes up to Tony running his fingers through her hair and smiling softly down at her while he lays on his side, one arm propping him up and  hand supporting his head. She closes her eyes again and leans into his touch, imitating a cat purring. Ella opens her eyes as he chuckles and kisses her forehead.

“Morning, Kitten.” Tony teases, smirking at her.

“What can I say? I am a cat person- in multiple ways.” Ella replies with a sleepy grin. “Meow.”

“Well you certainly sleep like one.” Tony tells her. “J.A.R.V.I.S., time please?”

“1:36 p.m., Sir.” J.A.R.V.I.S. offers. “Madam, you have been summoned to S.H.I.E.L.D. and are to arrive as soon as possible.”

“Tony! Why didn’t you wake me?!” Ella panics, not realizing J.A.R.V.I.S. is fibbing for her.

“You threw up last night and threatened to vomit on the Secretary of Defense so I figured sleeping would be more of a necessity this time.” Tony reasons, sighing as she bolts out of bed and into the closet.

“Madam, I would advise taking it easy considering what Sir has reported. It is only a meeting with Agent Coulson and Dr. Banner for a check-up after your concussion in Antarctica.” J.A.R.V.I.S. offers. “It is recommended that you dress casually for the occasion so that the examination is less of a hassle to complete.”

Ella steps out of the closet in her bra and panties, holding her black bodysuit in one hand.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., do me a favor and include all of that when you inform me of S.H.I.E.L.D. summons.” Ella says flatly, dropping her bodysuit and going back into the walk-in closet.

“Apologies, Madam.” J.A.R.V.I.S. responds.

When she emerges again, she’s thrown on a pair of violet leggings with a gray half-sleeve dress, a pair of silver flip-flops, and her favorite silver headband. Tony whistles in appreciation, getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of boxers, and wraps his arms around her waist.

“Madam, I informed S.H.I.E.L.D. that you are ready to leave the Tower. They already have Agent Anderson waiting with a car.” J.A.R.V.I.S. alerts her.

“Thanks, J.A.R.V.I.S.” Ella responds, kissing Tony deeply before she departs to the elevator.

As Ella stands in the elevator and watches the floors going by, she grins and shakes her head.

“Nice cover up, J.A.R.V.I.S.” Ella commends. “But how’s Tony going to react when he finds out that you fibbed for me?”

The elevator seems to slow a bit now that she’s halfway to the ground floor.

“I admit that I am unsure, Madam. I can only hope Sir is forgiving given the circumstances and uncertainties. Sir hasn’t told anyone before, but he does worry about having an heir to the Stark fortune and name. It would likely ruin him to think you were pregnant with such an heir and then discover that there was a false positive or a miscarriage.” J.A.R.V.I.S. explains.

“Great, so he might short circuit you and dump or possibly murder me if he finds out that I might be pregnant with his kid and it ends in either a false positive or miscarriage.” Ella sighs heavily, burying her face in her hands.

“Sir is very fond of you, Madam, so I do not believe he would go to such extremes, though he may unthinkingly shun you for some time, which has proven to be a number one coping mechanism of his.” J.A.R.V.I.S. assures her as the elevator reaches the ground floor. “I hope all goes well with your meeting with Master Banner, Madam.”

“You and me both.” Ella grumbles as she exits the elevator and quickly makes her way out to the car.

“ _I forget the last time I felt brave I just recall insecurity 'Cause it came down like a tidal wave And sorrow swept over me Depression, please cut to the chase And cut a long story short Oh, please be done, how much longer Can this drama afford to run? Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties And breaks whatever doesn't bend But sadly then, all my heavy hopes Just pull me back down again I forget the last time I felt brave I just recall insecurity 'Cause it came down like a tidal wave And sorrow swept over me Then I was given grace and love I was blind but now I can see 'Cause I found a new hope from above And courage swept over me…”_ –Owl City, “Tidal Wave”

Ella can’t help but dread the whole ordeal as she walks through S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters. Everyone is staring at her. She can tell that they’re likely thinking of either the fact that she fell flat on her face while receiving a medal from Director Fury or how she is sleeping with Tony Stark, in addition to the fact that the pair had confirmed their romance on live television at the White House.  Finally, she reaches the far end of the building where Bruce Banner’s lab sits alongside the infirmary. She pokes her head in his lab, but can’t seem to spot him when a familiar voice calls out. She turns around to see Bruce smiling softly at her.

“Ella, we’re in exam room one.” He informs her, gesturing to the door across the hall from his lab.

“Hi, Bruce.” Ella greets, giving him a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, Ell.” Bruce replies, hugging her back before he gently ushers her into the exam room and locks the door. “So, J.A.R.V.I.S. says you might be pregnant…”

“Yeah, that’s what he’s come up with. I’m looking for a second opinion before I go dropping the pregnancy bomb on Tony.” Ella confirms.

“Are you late?”

“Way, way late.”

“When was the last time you had sex?” Bruce asks, completely professional as he sets everything up for an ultrasound while she settles on the lounging exam table and pulls her dress up to expose her bloated abdomen.

“Do I have to answer that?” Ella questions, clearly feeling awkward now that things are getting more personal.

“I’ll take that as you had sex again last night.” Bruce chuckles, slipping a pair of latex gloves on and smearing a clear gel on her abdomen.

“It’s all Tony’s fault. I was a virgin until I came back from Antarctica!” Ella points out. “Stupid Tony and his amazing stripping and seduction… Ugh!”

“Tony stripped for you huh?” Bruce asks, obviously amused as he starts the machine up and takes the wand in his hand.

“Yes and I swear he worked as a stripper while I was gone because no man who hasn’t worked as a stripper can strip the way he did last night! Especially on a moving jet!” Ella tells him, seemingly convinced even though it would be well known if he had been.

“Maybe he was one of the dancers in that stripper movie… what was that called?” Bruce humors, gently pressing the wand to her abdomen and watching the screen.

“That’s it! I bet he was in Magic Mike with Matthew Mcconaughey!” Ella enthuses, loving that Bruce isn’t judging her or trying to have a serious talk about what she plans to tell Tony.

The two laugh a bit before Bruce goes silent.

“Uh-huh.” Bruce acknowledges, using his free hand to trace not one, but two outlines on the screen. “There they are. The sources of your nausea and other undesirable symptoms.”

“There’s two?!” Ella questions, her eyes widening as he clearly points out two developing fetuses. “First, he carries me across the city in that Iron Man suit, then he tells me that he doesn’t want anything to do with Steve, tortures me by putting me in teal everything which he knows I hate, forces me to wear high heels which I can’t walk in to save my life, and now he’s impregnated me, and with twins no less!”

“Ella, I’m more concerned about their development. When did you and Tony first have sex?” Bruce questions.

“Like two weeks ago, why?”

“Because their stage of development is showing them at 12 weeks.” Bruce explains, pointing to the shapes in the ultrasound. “They should barely be implanted in the uterus.”

“How is that possible?” Ella demands, worried that something might be wrong with her.

“It’s just a theory, but my guess is that your ability to heal isn’t on the mend, but being used as a sort of accelerated growth source for the twins.”

“So what does that mean? Are they going to keep growing at this pace?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to see in a couple weeks. Though I would bet that once they have reached 28 weeks in development that your healing ability will be unnecessary since your body should register them as more or less fully developed.”

“And I’m where?”

“You’re approximately 12-13 weeks along, so you’re about to start the second trimester.”

Ella groans as Bruce prints the scan to his lab, powers the machine off and cleans the gel off of her abdomen. Ella stands and resituates her dress over her leggings, rubbing her face with her hands.

“What are you going to tell Tony?” Bruce asks, peeling the latex gloves off and throwing them away.

“I have no fucking clue.” Ella admits, looking as though her day is officially ruined. “I don’t think I can tell him, not anytime soon anyway… I mean, I’m an agent and I could miscarry from a stressful mission. Not to mention how I’m so damn old- I should’ve hit menopause by now.”

“Actually, according to your file, you still have a number of years to be able to bear children considering your menstrual cycle started later than the typical female of your generation.” Bruce explains, smiling sympathetically as she groans.

“It’s not like I don’t want kids, but I waited so long that I might be dead by the time they get married!” Ella rants as Bruce unlocks the door and holds it open for her.

“I think that’s something you’ll just have to discuss with Tony. I’m sure that talking with him will help soothe some of your fears, even if it creates others.” Bruce suggests as they exit the exam room and enter his lab, locking the door once again.

“Can’t you just shoot me instead…” Ella mumbles as she sits on a stool near a counter with a microscope.

“I take enough lives as it is, Ella.” Bruce responds somberly, handing her a print out of her ultrasound in a file folder. “If I’m taking any more, yours and the babies’ won’t be among them if I can help it.”

Suddenly, Ella’s phone buzzes from its place in her bra. She pulls it out to see she has a flirty text from Tony that also asks her to tell him when she’s done at S.H.I.E.L.D. so he can pick her up. She texts him back that it will be awhile as Agent Phil Coulson texts her saying that Steve was hoping to talk to her before she left. Meanwhile, Bruce pulls out a clean beaker, fills it with water and microwaves it.

“I’m boned. I’m fucked.” Ella groans incredulously as she tells Phil to have him meet her in Bruce’s lab in ten minutes. “I’m like everything that is the opposite of good.”

“Why is that, Ell?” Bruce asks, pulling the beaker out and dropping a red tea bag into it before handing it to Ella as the water turns fuchsia.

“Because Steve wants to talk before I leave and Tony doesn’t want either of us interacting with him after the ‘energy map fainting incident’ last time I talked to him. Some things were definitely said while I was out that made that interaction pretty tense and left a terrible mental flavor on everything.” Ella explains, smiling and shaking her head at her beaker full of tea before swirling it and taking a sip. “I swear, I’m going to get you like a tea set or something just for your lab so you’ll stop using your equipment for stuff like this.”

“Good luck.” Bruce chuckles.

He’s notorious for never using normal dishes when he eats or drinks at his lab. Ella tried giving him a mug that had a witty science joke on it, but it promptly went missing. Some of the other things she had given him ended up being used in experiments and then disposed of as biohazardous material. The one thing that lasted the longest was a simple, vintage tea cup that she had seen him use many times before it was destroyed by his alter ego after the cleaning crew that rarely stepped into the lab had used chemicals that settled in the air and ruined several of his cultures and concoctions that were supposed to remain exposed to oxygen. Once he had returned to his normal self, he practically held a funeral for his treasured tea cup and actually shed some tears when he told her of what had happened. Bruce had told her that he wasn’t too keen on trying to replace his beloved tea cup so Ella hadn’t pushed the matter- lest she wanted to try and calm the ‘Big Guy’ down.

“Challenge accepted.” Ella smiles as there’s a knock on the door.

Bruce goes to the door and unlocks it, allowing Steve to enter before closing and locking it again, while Ella takes a huge swig of her favorite tea to calm her nerves. As Steve starts to go in for a hug, Bruce stops him.

“She hasn’t been feeling well. It’s probably a symptom of her concussion. She is likely getting unwarranted motion sickness from haywire signals in the brain caused by the jostle it received when she fell on the solid ice.” Bruce explains, winking subtly at Ella’s mouthed ‘thank you.’

“I’m so sorry, Ella.” Steve apologizes, looking utterly miserable.

“Oh, for the love of-” Ella starts, setting her beaker off to the side. “Steve, he’s angry and he feels guilty. I can tell you why, but I can also tell you that it’s going to cost you if you really wanna know.”

“What?” Steve questions, not understanding the transition that occurred.

“I read minds, Steve. I know Tony made you feel awful, but that’s because he feels awful and he’s always done this.” Ella explains. “Do you wanna know or not?”

“Of course!” Steve insists, clearly feeling a little lighter now.

“Howard got a little better after you left, but not much. For years, Tony was mad at you for leaving him alone with his father, until I started babysitting him. Then, I was his protection until he made it to college and came to live with me. Unfortunately, he developed some really shitty habits that I’m probably about to witness again for the first time since I left like a month before he graduated at MIT.” Ella begins, taking another drink of her tea. “He started being really self-destructive and stupid. He was drinking underage, and not just to get tipsy, he was wasted almost every night that there was a frat or sorority party. Lucky for him, I hate alcohol and can’t even swallow it so I always brought him home to our apartment and cleaned him up. But that’s not the part that hurts.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks in a quiet voice.

“Ella, are you sure you want to share this when Tony asked you not to interact with him?” Bruce poses, glad that she’s finally talking but still worried that now might be the worst time.

“If anyone deserves to know, it’s Tony hero and guardian. Sure Tony got so attached to Steve that he abused himself for years, and probably still does for all I know since I’ve only been back for a week and Tony is hosting a ridiculous party at the Tower tonight, but Steve did everything he could to save Tony and his family from being crossed off of somebody’s hit list.” Ella gently argues before turning back to Steve, already feeling a flood of grief wash over her. “When Tony used to get wasted, he would start crying and he usually pissed himself… Sometimes he threw up all over both of us and then I would just get in the tub with him while I cleaned him up. He would bawl through the whole thing. I’d dress him for bed and tuck him in. Whenever he was drunk, he would cuddle with the same three comfort items he had when you were there to take care of him.

“A puppy named Roger, his baby blanket, and his paci. He had always just clutched the pacifier in his hand while I ran my fingers through his hair, humming some of our favorite songs until he’d fall asleep. The night before I left, he was so out of sorts that he actually had me put his paci in his mouth and started sucking on it. It was the night before your 12th anniversary of disappearing into the ice…” Ella continues, tears spilling over as she thinks of the things she saved for last, the ones that would really surprise Steve. “He was so confused and delirious that he would imagine or pretend that I was you. He called me Daddy Steve once…”

Steve is stunned and simply staring at the floor pathetically, unable to think of a response to the insights he’s been given. Bruce embraces Ella as she inhales sharply and gasps for breathe, fighting her breakdown. He hands her a box of tissues from the counter behind him- sometimes his experiments left smells that had the same effects as onions, making him tear up.

“But one of the biggest reasons he hurts and has so much anger… I had gone off to find you because I thought that if he had you back in his life, he would be happy again like all those years ago when we first met at the park.” Ella sniffles, still leaning into Bruce as she wipes at her face and blows her nose on a tissue in one hand. “He’s mad and blames you for the fact that I left him on his own, which I know he already said to you, but he also feels guilty because he knows why we did what we did and that we did it all for him and his happiness.”

“Ella, I think that’s enough.” Bruce gently insists and whispers his next instruction, “You need to rest for them.”

 Ella’s phone buzzes and she sees that Tony sent a text to let her know he’s waiting for her in the car outside Headquarters. She texts him that she’ll be there in a couple minutes after she says goodbye to Bruce.

“I have to go. Tony’s waiting for me.” Ella announces, tucking her phone back in her bra.

As she goes to stand up, she accidentally knocks the file folder containing her ultrasounds off the counter. The folder opens and the ultrasound printouts splay themselves all over the floor. Steve quickly picks them up, pausing to take in what he’s looking at. Ella looks nervously at Steve and shoots a panicked look to Bruce.

“What are these?” Steve questions, knowing they aren’t MRI or CAT scans since he’s seen what scans of the brain look like after his were done and explained to him.

“They’re ultrasounds…” Ella sighs, kicking herself that Steve found out before Tony. “I’m pregnant.”

“Is it…?”

“Yep. Both are Tony’s.” Ella answers with a grim smile.

“Both?” Steve questions, taking another look.

“Yeah, Bruce says there’s twins in my dusty old uterus.” Ella confirms, trying to lighten the mood with her awful attempt at a joke as she takes the folder and its contents back.

“He doesn’t know yet, does he?” Steve asks, looking between her and Bruce.

“Nope. I only just got it confirmed today. That’s the whole reason I came here, so Bruce could tell me for sure.” Ella explains. “My guess is that I got the symptoms early because of all the injections, which is how J.A.R.V.I.S. came up with pregnancy as my diagnosis, which Bruce confirmed for me.”

As Steve soaks in the information and Bruce and Ella have a quiet conversation with each other, Tony picks the lock to Bruce’s lab to find out what the hold-up is. He arranged for Pepper to meet Ella before the party and Ella was pushing it so that two of his favorite women (another in the esteemed pyramid being his mother, of course) might not be able to meet. Tony stands outside the lab with the door cracked as he hears their voices and decides to hang back.

“You don’t know what the serum from the injections will do to them?” Steve questions, feeling uneasy about learning that Ella is pregnant and might not be stable enough to sustain it.

“Ella is the first, and so far only one to receive the serums she did. We don’t have replicas of them because we learned that the ones she did receive have such negative side effects.” Bruce explains. “So we’re unsure what the serums will do to the fetuses at this point or if the traits Ella was modified to possess will be passed down to them.”

“Since when are we holding secret meetings about my girlfriend?” Tony demands as he makes his abrupt entrance. “More importantly, why are we talking about fetuses?”

All three are clearly startled by Tony’s sudden appearance. Ella looks particularly miserable about the unfortunate events that have happened.

“Anyone? Ella?” Tony pushes, looking a bit edgy and frustrated.

“Tony…” Ella starts, losing her confidence.

“You have to tell him, honey.” Bruce presses in a gentle voice, ever her father figure despite the small age difference between them.

“Are we sharing things now?” Tony questions, waiting for anyone to answer and glaring at Steve.

“Tony, I’m pregnant.” Ella confesses, her tears starting up again.

“You’re pregnant.” Tony repeats, looking as though he’s hit a wall before his anger comes back. “Why is that _he”_ –at this, Tony points an accusatory finger at Steve, “gets to know before I do?”

“It was an accident, Tony. The folder fell on the floor and I went to pick it up. That’s how I found out. They only started telling me more because I asked about what the serums will do to the babies.” Steve answers for her, ever the protector.

“For probably the first time since Pepper left me, I am speechless.” Tony admits, clearly not happy about any of it.

“Tony, can we please talk about this?” Ella pleads, clutching the folder to her chest.

“We’ll talk at home.” Tony states bluntly, gesturing for her to come with him as if she were his teenage daughter who just got busted for defying him. “Say goodbye to your little conspirators.”

“Stay strong, sweetie.” Bruce whispers as he embraces her while she sobs quietly. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the Tower for a check-up. I love you, Little Violet.”

“I love you too…” Ella sniffles, reigning herself in and accepting the box of tissues that he hands her.

“Tony, don’t be mad at her.” Steve pushes as she timidly starts crossing the room to stand beside him. “She just wanted to be sure.”

“We all want things to be certain, Cap, but they never are.” Tony snaps, resting a hand on Ella’s lower back which she cringes at. “It’s time to wake up and stop living in that fantasy world of yours where everything is just so. That world ended when you went in the ice.”

“Which time…” Steve breathes, feeling the sting of former charge’s words.

With that, Tony ushers Ella, who’s still crying with her hand up by her face to block her tears from prying eyes, out of S.H.I.E.L.D. and into the car out front where Happy is waiting for them. Ella gets in first, sliding all the way to the opposite side of the car from Tony. Happy notes the miserable atmosphere of the back seat as he takes off to take them back to the Tower but determines it’s probably for the best that he says nothing about Ella’s tears. Half way through the ride back to Stark Tower, Tony looks over at Ella, who’s only stopped crying for lack of tears to shed as she sniffles, blowing her nose with one of the tissues from the box that Bruce sent with her. If for no other reason than out of pity, Tony pulls Ella across the back seat and onto his lap, embracing her.

“I’m so sorry, Tony… J.A.R.V.I.S. told me I was probably pregnant but I was too scared to tell you…” Ella apologizes, holding onto to him as if her life depended on it.

“When were you going to tell me?” Tony asks in a soft but cold voice.

“Not for months and I swear it was a complete accident that Steve found out- he wasn’t even supposed to know I was there.” Ella admits, feeling awful as the words hang in the air like a heavy fog.

“Why weren’t you going to tell me after your appointment with Bruce?”

“Because J.A.R.V.I.S. told me how much it would mean to you and how devastated you would be if it turned out I was wrong or if I miscarried…” Ella answers, feeling her face burn with shame. “I made J.A.R.V.I.S. promise not to tell you…”

“We’re here, Tony.” Happy informs them as he takes the key out of the ignition and gets out to open the rear door for them.

They get out of the car, Ella clutching her tissue box and the file folder of ultrasounds while Tony wraps an arm around her as they’re swarmed by the media, all of whom were originally planning on pressing Tony for information on the party at the Tower until they see the miserable look on his face and Ella with tearstains on her face.

“Tony, over here!” One of the reporters cries.

“Is the Violet Wallflower ill?” Another questions, noticing the manila folder in her arms and making her own deductions. “Is it serious? What is she diagnosed with? How do you feel about her diagnosis?”

“No comment.” Tony spits, for once truly resenting the media and its persistence as they make it to the entrance of the Tower with Happy’s help.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., engage the privacy protocol. Ella and I have some things to discuss.” Tony instructs as soon as they get inside and enter the elevator.

“Yes, Sir.” J.A.R.V.I.S. submits.

“He knows, J.” Ella informs him in a miserable voice as the elevator starts going up to Tony’s private floor.

“My apologies, Sir. I do not enjoy keeping things from you.” J.A.R.V.I.S. apologizes.

“I threatened to hack his system if he said anything or even hinted that he thought I might be pregnant…” Ella confesses, figuring she might as well get it all out in the open.

To her surprise, Tony chuckles a bit and kisses her cheek.

“That sounds about right.” He comments as she revels in the affection and lighter atmosphere as they exit the elevator on his floor.

“So, are you mad at me?” Ella asks, hesitating to go too far from the elevator.

“I was, but I think J. was right. I am scared to know that you could lose my kids and even more terrified that I might be on the threshold of Fatherhood.” Tony admits. “I can’t stay mad at you because you’ve always done right by me and I know you’ll make the right call about this too.”

Ella feels a bit out of it as she sinks to her knees, unable to believe that Tony has put their fate, his, hers, and their unborn babies’, in her hands. Tony rushes to her side as she drops the folder, which splays itself and its contents on the floor next to her, and the tissue box, staring at her lap in a state of overloaded delirium. Before either can move or say anything, Pepper steps out of the elevator to see the ultrasounds splayed out on the floor while Tony hovers over a distant-minded Ella, who snaps to attention upon hearing Pepper’s footsteps.

“Oh, Ella…” Pepper sympathizes as she makes eye contact with her.

“Yeah, I fucked up.” Ella says in airy voice.

“No, sweetie, you didn’t. Tony’s notorious for taking women’s innocence.” Pepper disagrees, extending her arms to Ella while Tony makes an indignant sound in response to his ex-girlfriend’s jab.

Ella accepts Pepper’s help and gets to her feet, leaning into Tony for support.

“I take it you two just found out.” Pepper assumes.

“I had an idea yesterday when I threw up in the bathroom at the White House, but I only just confirmed it and told Tony today.” Ella explains.

“Morning sickness?”

“All day sickness.”

“Ouch, I’m sorry, Ella.” Pepper tells her.

“Not as sorry as me. Bruce doesn’t even know if this pregnancy thing is going to work because of all those serums they used on me.” Ella says in a small voice as Tony guides her to the couch and sits down with her while Pepper collects the ultrasounds and brings them over. “I don’t think it should work out…”

“What?” Tony demands, shocked by her mumbled response. “Why? Why wouldn’t you want are kids to be born?”

“Because they’ll be freaks from birth! What if I don’t know what to do with them? What if I screw them up? What if I can’t be there for them?” Ella answers, completely panicked. “Tony, you’ve impregnated a mutant!”

“So what?” Tony challenges. “So what if our kids are little freaks? At least they’ll take after the beautiful and intelligent freak I love.”

“You better believe him, Ella. This is the most serious I’ve heard him about something that doesn’t have anything to do with his work or the suits or parties.” Pepper points out, setting the ultrasounds on the coffee table in front of them.

“Pepper, they aren’t supposed to be that developed! They were only conceived two weeks ago!” Ella stresses, pointing at the images of the twins that show them to be nearing the second trimester.

“You’ve only been pregnant for two weeks?”

“Yeah. Bruce’s theory is that the babies are using my healing ability to accelerate their growth until they’re more developed.” Ella responds, looking at her slightly swollen abdomen. “So much for being bloated…”

“You look fine, Ella-bean.” Tony insists, trying to hide his panic.

“Just wait until it gets bigger and I lose my sex drive, you won’t think it’s fine then!” Ella insists. “What are we supposed to tell everyone? The press alone is going to go insane…”

“Don’t worry about it, Ella, I’ll deal with the press. You just need to stay in and rest.” Pepper comforts.

“Well, what do I tell Fury?” Ella presses, looking between Pepper and Tony. “He’s going to have an aneurism when he finds out I’m pregnant…”

“Fury can fuck himself, Ella.” Tony states as Ella’s phone rings.

She looks at the caller ID to see the Director’s name. Tony glimpses her screen.

“Speak of the fucking devil…” Tony grumbles, considering taking her phone away.

“Fuck my life.” Ella mutters as she hits a button to accept the call. “Hello, you’ve reached Ella Dean.”

“Agent Claucher, you have a new assignment.” Fury informs her. “Come to my office at S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters for briefing. You ship out tonight with Rogers.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Ella groans as the phone goes dead.

“What did he want?” Pepper asks.

“I’m on assignment with Steve Rogers and we leave tonight.” Ella fumes, getting up and making her way into the bedroom to get changed.

“Ella, you can’t go!” Tony argues.

“I have to.” Ella disagrees, stripping down to her bra and panties.

“Not when you’re carrying my kids!”

“Tony, I have the ability to heal and Steve will be with me. Fury only ever sends me to read minds and map energies until I find whatever or whoever I’m supposed to find.” Ella snaps, pulling on her dark purple body suit, only to find it’s getting a bit snug. “I will be fine and so will the babies.”

“Pardon my intrusion, Sir, but Master Rogers is requesting entry to see Madam.” J.A.R.V.I.S. informs them.

“Just let him in and lock out the rest.” Tony instructs, his patience wearing thin. “Help me out here, Pepper.”

“Ella, you really need to stay home and rest while so much of your energy is going to helping the babies develop. You said yourself that you can use your healing ability while they’re using it to speed up development.” Pepper points out, rather surprised that she’s having to be involved in this.

“Fuck that. I have a job to do.” Ella grumbles, zipping up her bodysuit and pulling on socks and her combat boots.

As Tony realizes she’s still planning to go, he develops a new plan. It’s probably going to piss her off, but he’d rather have her in the Tower and mad at him than on the mission and risking their babies’ lives as well as her own.

“I just got you back, you can’t leave.” Tony says in a softer voice, realizing how much it really bothers him to think of her leaving him again as his eyes starting to tear up.

“Tony, I only left to try to bring back the man who made your life better and now you won’t even be in the same room with him.” Ella argues, not having it as she starts attaching all of her usual equipment to her suit and slipping in her ear piece. “Now, I’m going because I have to. I work for Fury, he practically owns me.”

“You got that right, Agent Claucher.” Fury’s voice roars in her ear as the earpiece is settled into place and prematurely activated.

“Why? Why do you always listen in on my conversations?” Ella demands, shoving her cell phone in its proper pocket and throwing in the other earpiece that Tony gave her while they were playing around in the workshop.

“Because you’re practically a rogue if I don’t watch everything you do and listen to everything you say.” Fury answers. “And reign in your attitude, Agent Claucher.”

“Well excuse me if having an accelerated pregnancy is putting me in a bad mood.” Ella sasses, ignoring his threat.

“Accelerated pregnancy?! Dammit, Agent Claucher!” Fury yells.

“Oh, fuck off, it’s not like I tried to get pregnant.” Ella snaps, turning off her S.H.I.E.L.D. issued ear piece.

“Ella, please tell me you didn’t just tell Director Fury to fuck off.” Pepper pleads, already knowing Ella was definitely talking to Fury.

Tony feels his sadness turn to anger that even after her exchange with Fury, his pregnant girlfriend still intends to go on some outrageous mission for the man who will likely have her head once she’s lost her usefulness. In his anger, he realizes he has one last trick up his sleeve.

“Fine, fuck it. Go ahead and go risk your life on a mission you could easily say no to.” Tony encourages with a razor sharp edge to his voice. “I’ll just stay here by myself until the party starts and then get wasted just like every other time.”

“You manipulative-” Ella starts to snap, her eyes tearing up in anger and guilt.

“Ella, you can’t go.” Steve says, rushing in.

“The hell I can’t.” Ella shouts, starting to see black as the room seems to sway.

Tony, despite his frustration and anger, rushes to her side and guides her back to the bed.

“Bruce found out about Fury sending you on the mission and he’s on his way to force the Director to bench because your body is already using all of its energy on the babies.” Steve explains, already in his Captain America gear.

“Damn it, Bruce!” Ella swears, glaring at Rogers, though she knows Bruce is right-like always.

“Besides, you can’t be around the object we’re about to retrieve.” Steve adds.

“Why not?” Ella pushes, frustrated that the pregnancy is taking everything from her.

“Because the mission is to retrieve the Tesseract, which gives off levels of gamma radiation.” Steve elaborates.

“He’s right, you can’t be around radiation while you’re pregnant.” Pepper agrees.

“Pepper, she can’t be around radiation _period_.” Tony points out. “With all the injections she’s had, she’d be unstable if she came in contact with it- even if she used a lead lined suit to retrieve it.”

“That’s never been proven.” Ella grumbles.

“Because no one’s wanted to risk killing you to find out, Ella.” Tony clarifies, tempted to smack some sense into her but clearly thinking better of it.

“Fine. I’ll stay here.” Ella submits, obviously in a bad mood. “On one condition!”

“What’s that?” Tony wonders warily.

“Steve can’t go either. He has to stay at the Tower and attend this ridiculous party with us.” Ella states, thinking for a moment before adding, “And I get to go barefoot since we’ll be indoors all night.”

“Only if you let me pick out what you wear.” Tony qualifies, dying to see her in one of the dresses he got for her.

“Ugh, deal.” Ella sighs, kicking off her combat boots as her phone angrily buzzes in the pocket of her suit, which she promptly answers. “What now?”

“You’re off the mission, Agent Claucher. Dr. Banner explained your pregnancy situation and we’re not risking it.” Director Fury orders. “Black Widow will be taking your place.”

“Did he tell you that Steve can’t go either because the serum he was injected with could be reversed by the gamma rays from the Tesseract?” Ella questions with a devious smile at Steve who starts to open his mouth as Pepper shoves him out of the room.

“He failed to inform me of Rogers’ possibly being compromised, though he did say that yours would most certainly be affected.” Director Fury admits, a suspicious tone to his voice. “Rogers should be at the Tower shortly. You’re to inform him that he’s being replaced by Hawkeye.”

The line goes dead and Ella smiles victoriously.

“Ha! Take that Captain Righteous!” Ella calls, grinning even more as Tony smirks and shoves her over on the bed as he shakes his head.

“And here I thought you liked, Cap.” Tony chuckles.

Suddenly, Ella becomes very somber as he leans over her to kiss her.

“You used to wish he was your Daddy.” She reminds him in a soft voice, caressing his cheek with her fingertips. “You used to cry for him every time I put you down for a nap as a little boy. It would happen all over again when you woke up with tearstained cheeks as you laid on my chest. Not to mention all those nights when you tried to drink to forget that it hurt to miss him and it was like you were that same scared little boy that used to call me Mama when he was tired and fussy.”

Tony is clearly at a loss for words as she watches him, seeing the struggle in his eyes as he fights the urge to cry. He gently lays down with her and buries his face in her chest, breathing in her scent to try and call himself down.

“Tony, I know you’re scared about the babies and worried about whether you’ll be a good father… I can’t give you a magic cure, but if there’s one thing I learned while I was studying for my degree in human services, it’s that you have to help yourself before you can help others.” Ella poses, knowing this as good a time as any to get this done. “You need to fix your relationship with Daddy Steve… He can make everything better and provide a stable father figure to model yourself after whenever you’re unsure of what to do or how to handle things when it comes to the twins.”

“You set this up, didn’t you?” Tony accuses, visibly exhausted.

“Yes, Tony, I did.” Ella accepts, knowing full well she was scheming ever since she learned that Fury wanted her to go on a mission with Steve. “I knew you wouldn’t let me go and I knew I could make you agree to have Steve here so I could force you two to make amends.”

“You’re a succubus.” Tony groans miserably.

“Yes, but I’m the pretty kind.”

“Pretty deceitful…” Tony grumbles, refusing to remove his face from between her mostly exposed breasts.

“Yes, but you apparently like it to some extent because you still love me.” Ella agrees. “So suck it up, buttercup.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Tony teases in a sour tone.

“We already did that and now I’m carrying your twins.” Ella points out with a smirk. “Let’s not try for triplets.”

“You know what I meant.” Tony growls, though it’s clear he’s not angry- more like grumpy than anything.

“Come on, Mr. Grumpy Gills, you need to go see Daddy.” Ella pushes, getting up and hauling Tony with her out of the bedroom, muttering under her breath, “Maybe Steve can make you smiley and giggly like you used to be before you became a dick.”

“ _I'm gonna pick up the pieces, And build a Lego house If things go wrong we can knock it down My three words have two meanings, There's one thing on my mind It's all for you And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now I'm out of touch, I'm out of luck I'll pick you up when you're getting down And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind I'll do it all for you in time And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now_

_I'm gonna paint you by numbers And color you in If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall And it's so hard to say it but I've been there before Now I'll surrender up my heart And swap it for yours I'm out of touch, I'm out of love I'll pick you up when you're getting down And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind I'll do it all for you in time And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better_

_Don't hold me down I think my braces are breaking, and it's more than I can take And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now I'm out of touch, I'm out of love I'll pick you up when you're getting down And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind I'll do it all for you in time And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now I'm out of touch, I'm out of luck I'll pick you up when you're getting down And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind I'll do it all for you in time And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now_

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of luck I'll pick you up when you're getting down And out of all these things I've done I will love you better now”_ –Ed Sheeran, “Lego House”


End file.
